colin's grandfather is quietly gruff or

gruffly quiet by

nature   we sit on the patio 

of an evening

in quiet companionship

he seldom speaks   though he is patient

with my chattering

but this evening he seems pensive   his

quiet is deeper

his whiskey sits untouched

later i ask colin about it   is something wrong   

colin talks about

the years of struggle   building

the business   of

the lean years   of his losses   his son   

colin's father   that moved away

his wife who died   

how those difficulties and losses

seep into the present   

i ask colin how he knows this   i don't   

says colin   i suppose it   after all

his blood

runs through my veins   it isn't hard

to imagine and

i know how my thoughts and worries effect me   

do i bother him when he's quiet

i ask   colin says 

he'd rather see you   and listen to you   

than be alone

imagine you were him   how would you feel

the truth is   colin says   when you and marketa

don't come for

the weekend   or too many weekends

slip by   he's gets

a  little down   so keep him company   and be yourself

~

i know it's silly   but this evening   after dinner

marketa and i

go for a walk   we pick a bouquet

of wildflowers

for colin's grandfather

and set it by his comfy leather chair

in the great room

by the cold stone fireplace 

a little color

in an otherwise somber room

silly because it makes me feel childish

and maybe because

i'm thinking of my family

that i see so rarely   

and marketa's family being so far away

and the photographs of colin's grandfather's 

album that show a

man in his prime   muscle and sinew

and grit

side by side with his wife   and the stones

quarried and hauled to the site   and

the winery

taking shape stone by stone   and

juan and yenny   

the four of them building a dream

and now it is a dream realized   but it

is also a memory

and maybe that is a little sad   and

maybe being pensive

of an evening   and letting the whiskey sit

untouched   isn't a bad thing   that

age matters   

that time passes   even i know that

and maybe

a bouquet of wildflowers brightens the present

maybe it does   but later   in bed

marketa's head 

on my shoulder   i'm feeling a little

pensive myself   

what's it all about   and it is worth the struggle 

~

it is worth the struggle   our topsy-turvy

give and take

love-making is the proper medicine

for pensiveness

repeat as necessary   and if

a warm body proves elusive   take joy

in a bouquet of

wildflowers   or if the city

lacks wildflowers 

go dancing   and if a partner

can't be found   walk in the park   feed

the ducks   and if

the ducks have gone missing

go to a shelter and 

help serve a meal to the homeless   or 

if that isn't to your liking   find

a quiet bench   

or pew   contemplate something larger

than yourself   

and if you don't like taking advice   ignore it

instead   come sit on the patio with me and marketa

and colin and

colin's grandfather   share a glass of wine   

be quiet or not   

enjoy the sunset   write a poem