| Serendipity
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2007-08-06
Hi there!
What can I say... more than..
these lines are... fantastic!
/ danshäxan
When mother nature kisses the sky
everything is going to be allright!
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| Molted feathers
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2007-08-06
Hallo!
En annorlunda version på vår svenska bön....
GUD SOM HAVER BARNEN KÄR...
See my comments..../ danshäxan
Molted feathers
(nice that the title comes back later.... makes it
important)
As I lay me down to sleep
wishing my soul safe to keep
I close my eyes and realize
what really matters
what really is
(nursery prayer... rythm... good)
and not what it was...
once upon a time.
(puts me off rythm.... and that is right on time!)
In my dreamland I find
my refuge
my sanctuary...
(time stands still here... like magic)
In my silence
Wise spirits
whisper to me
words of wisdom
(I have problems with the second and third line here...
maybe a change of words och change the word order?)
images sounds and feelings
help me understand
why the raven
flew down
the avenue
leaving
molted feathers
for me to find,
every time
a new dream
comes to life...
(these eleven lines above are the
strongest... I love them... and about the raven...
beautiful)
-I just have to believe
that every dream is a path
that I have to take (cut "that"?)
and it might lead me (rephrase? but keep content)
to the golden egg...
Now I wake up knowing
that as long as I can dream
my soul will be safe.
(nice and happy ending...)
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| Among City Streets
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2007-07-27
Hallo!
I have only read this particular one
and I like the rythm and the flow.
It's like at fairy tale suitet to be read
outloud.
I like it! And of course the content is
really important. / danshäxan
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| Futuristic
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2007-07-26
Hi!
See my comments and impressions....
I have commented on the things i
like in particular. Your text has a
magnetic rythm and a strong content.
I like it! / danshäxan :-)
Futuristic
Surrounded by roses
shaped like hearts
(beautiful start)
~Smiling~
With a touch of tenderness
they release the chains
(this is lovely - like a prisoner getting free)
The chains of the impossibility
and opens the door
to the opportunity
(good follow up... with the door to opportunity)
~life~
Life is right in front of you
(like this line!)
The happiness is there too
you just have to open your eyes
cause it`s not always where
you would expect it to be....
But it`s there.....
Thought I would be safer
living without love
(really strong two lines above)
Cause love has caused me
nothing but pain
in the past....
But now....
the love I`m experiencing...
It`s big
It`s glorious
It`s emotionally overwhelming
And it`s mine
Looking outside
as the sun is rising
And I see....
~The future~
(happy ending - feels good)
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from Sweden 
