With my head facing the ceiling

My heart racing, my hands shaking

The sun already peering

through my ladybug riddled window

My eyes wide open

After hours of hoping

That I would fall asleep and get my life together

Scared that another day has begun without my invitation

I heard myself say, “I can’t wait to be awake”

My lips asked for no permission to speak aloud

But my mind caught up to my mouth

And I laughed and thought what an odd thing to say

My mind bypassed dreams I no longer have the privilege to have

My subconscious crawled it’s way down to leave me a note

Insomnia has been a filter to protect me from the pricks and stabs

Of sanity and introspection; I was much too tired to cope

And it was a beautiful plan

To play this miserable game of hide and seek

This tiring game of musical chairs when any stool was comfortable enough

For me to sink into and fall asleep

But I would hear myself scream

My brain would be gasping up for air and pulling me to a reality

But not the one intended for me

At least not this close to morning

Oh, I dare not to dream

To relive any nightmare

To find myself draped in nostalgia and misery

To find myself having to confront the pain that haunts me

This popcorn ceiling is much more interesting