If We Could Just Stand Still


Some try to soothe their anguish
with excitement of strangers touch.
Always looking for the next big high,
refusing to enlighten the lie.

We climb the walls and dive the seas,
to find some fulfilment, an inner peace.
If someone stands in your way,
you'll find a way to ruin their day.

I cannot look into your eyes,
it reminds me of all the lies.
Therefor I stay alone,
and muffle my moan.

If we could just stand still, for a second at least.
Please don't move until love has increased.




Poetry by Daybreaker
Read 425 times
Written on 2007-01-25 at 02:26

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Good poem daybreaker but I think it would benefit from a little edit. It needs paring down a little and some of the unnecessary words taken out like 'and' and with. Also second verse would benefit from 'way' not being repeated. How about 'you'll find time to ruin their day'. Beautiful poem nonetheless with a very worthwhile message. My dearly departed husband used to say," when in doubt do nothing" and I do believe he was right.

The line that concerns me was 'therefore I stay alone and muffle my moan'. All I will say is it is not good to hold emotions in all try and disguise them. Being a poet however is a wonderful form of self-expression imo

Smiling at you

Tai

Language: 4
Format: 4
Mood: 4
Overall: 4
2007-01-25


Kathy Lockhart
Daniel, this says so much about our society today--the constant striving for the utmost high that we forget the gentleness and peace that comes with just being. Well written...i have bookmarked it.
2007-01-25