the truth, minus the last two paragraphs.


Love Notes

I could not stop. I could not help myself anymore. I held my pillow tighter, I clenched my fists until my nails dug into my palms creating deep crevasses. I let my body take control. My eyes stung and my heart screamed and my lungs ached.
Many moons ago, beneath the clear sky and the bright stars, I sat with you on a bench. Above us, the sky stretched into eternity as we counted shooting stars and named the constellations. Ahead of us they were reflected on a gently moving lake, and behind us lay a thick forest where our friends moved slowly into, touching each other and sharing secrets between their lips.
And beneath that sky you grabbed my hand and you pulled me in. And you kissed my lips, gently, slowly, deeply. And you brought a smile to my face I had long been searching for. You brought a light to my world and gave me a reason to live, to be happy; if only for those short hours we shared together.
Weeks passed. It was business as usual. Except I smiled more. I was a hundred times more free. Sometimes you would look at me like you were trying to tell me something. Like you were trying to read me. Like you were trying to get inside my head and whisper all the things you forgot to tell me. But I couldn't figure it out. "I don't get it" I'd try to say back to you, hoping you would understand me in the ways I would never be able to understand you.
You drove me crazy. Your signals were nothing but mixed. But knowing there was a chance in hell for your lips to meet mine again gave me a reason to play along.
And on New Years you gave me a breath of fresh air. As the seconds ticked by, getting ever closer to midnight, you came near.
10: you smiled. 9: you grabbed my hand. 8: you laughed. 7: you put your hands on my hips. 6: you counted. 5: you counted. 4: you counted. 3: you pulled me in. 2: you smiled. 1: you leaned in. 0: you kissed me.
"Happy New Year," you whispered in my ear.
"Happy New Year," I whispered back.
By a stroke of luck, I played my cards right and twice more before the night ended, I was in your arms again.
The cycle began again. Again with me doubting myself, and you and your mixed signals. Again with the insecurity that kept me up at night, made me lose focus in class, made me write love stories where things went right.
And one night we found ourselves together, completely enamored with the other. I sat in your lap and you stroked my back and my hair and my hand and you kissed my forehead. That night I gave myself to you. And we spent hours rolling around each other, as your hands learned the shape of my body and my fingers ran through your hair and our lips kissed stars and hearts on our bodies. And I bit your shoulder and gasped into your neck as I lay beneath you. And you kissed me with such hunger, so furiously, so deeply I lost myself. And you looked at me in the eye and you whispered: I love you. And I believed you.
Now I lay in my bed, and my whole body aches. My eyes, they cry, but my heart and my soul weep. And it's not that I don't believe what you told me, it's that I wish I didn't.




Words by kgirard
Read 684 times
Written on 2009-01-31 at 21:49

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rgaunt
so much feeling and emotion
i actually shook while i read this.
amazing, my darling. amazing.
2009-01-31