F.i.in.e Moods

Like a gradual shutting down,

One by one, they're diverted

To a blank where no emotion

Can actually be felt inside me

No sight inspires creativity

No thought or happy memory

Finds a way to form for me

All there is is a soaring void

Find myself so disconnected

From me, from all around me,

Like there's no existence,

Certainly none worthwhile

And the thought of trying

Only feels unappealing...

So exhausted.  So alone

So not meant for any of it

The question of "why bother?"

Becomes increasingly difficult

To figure out as time moves on

There's really nothing for me here

And I have nothing to offer either

Can't escape the truth of the matter

Keep trying to figure out,

What keeps me going,

The why for any of it, and

What the actual point is?

Can't say an answer is

Coming to alleviate

This insistent wonderment,

There's just this:

Nothing animates anymore,

A point is impossible to find.

So, what keeps me going?

It seems to be lacking sense...

I wish I had great words of wisdom

To confer for this situation we find

Ourselves in, but I fear that my

Emotions may be leading the way,

'Cause my frustration can hardly be

Described as here we are wasting precious

Time fixing a problem that doesn't exist,

And being kept away from each other

Over feelings that do not belong to us,

But that have found a way to overtake.

- with rough translation...

il faudrait la renoncer

si le jour advenait,

mais qui pourrait

réellement, en réalité?

we'd have to abandon it

if the day was to come,

but who could

really, in reality?

ni elle, ni lui, c'est

certain, malgré leurs

meilleures intentions,

et leurs meilleurs sourires ;

neither her, nor him, that's

for sure, despite their

best intentions,

and their best smiles;

ils sont tous esclaves

à l'idée d'une libre volonté,

même si toutes les preuves

indiquent qu'ils sont menés

they're all slaves

to this idea of free will,

even though all evidence

indicates that they're run

purement par les émotions...

purely by their emotions...

Yeah, there's a measure

That it is up to me to know

How to better deal with her.

On the other hand, though,

Isn't it on her to just not behave

In this manner in the first place?

A bit irking to have to learn

How to deal with people

Who evidently aren't du monde.

Seems an unreasonable thing

To me, is all I'm saying.

Achieving this is an art, I guess.

- thank you all for your kind words on my previous post... means a lot *hugs*  not well at the moment, but I'll get to your messages as soon as I can... à bientôt

See, the way I presented it to her           (my team leader)

Went a little something like this:

I said, sure, I'm very sad about

Having lost my feline buddy recently,

But that event was just one more cherry

On top of the sundae, kind of deal...

And then, when I was put through

A conversation with that other one, where

She really had no place (as usual) to discuss

Anything with me, the effect was very much like

The sundae dish had been picked up

And thrown on the floor to smash

To bits all around my feet...  This woman,

She never loses an opportunity to ram into me.

It really was too much.

So, a break was in order.

- Abbey (Nov 2010-Jan 2024) ...

It happened today,

And I feel devastated.

I feel so very sore.

The house is so empty.

How I wish I could tell you

In a way to make you see it.

There're so many things to be revealed,

Yet there's no aptness to make it happen.

Still, the chasm created needs an end,

'Cause my poor heart cannot

Withstand any longer moment

Of this soaring incomprehension... 

While, in the meantime, I await for

His maturity to catch back up

With the reality of our experience,

So that he can drop the impressions

From the manipulations which were

Thrown in his path between us --

To again embrace and smile

As we always used to do together,

Oh, how I wish,

How I long...

There are really no words

For these tears...

There isn't anything to be said

That is any sort of interesting,

And I keep thinking to myself,

Who'd care to know any of it, anyway?

So I figure why would I find words for it?

What would be the purpose behind that one?

Quite frankly, in the last few months, my

Sense of insignificance has been growing...

'Cause the truth is, I'm nothing special,

Not even to those dearest to me,

So it'd make no sense anymore

For me to explain it all like it mattered.

- Lilliput (Aug 2010-June 2023) ... 

It's been four days since

We had to say goodbye

To our beloved Lilliput.

It happened one day

Before the move...

And I got to say, not

Having her presence

Around and not having

Our usual chats and cuddles,

I'm finding it pretty hard.