Sameen
Wow, this poem has this quiet, almost cinematic, feel, or rather, ache to it. I can especially see it in the unwashed mugs and the "pale double ring" which are excellent, and more importantly, tangible details that really carry the weight of absence without needing to explain it further.

The last stanza especially builds real momentum and the "ticking hard/ticking out/ticking down" bit really lands with a haunting finality.

If I could offer one small critique, it would be that the middle section feels slightly less assured than the rest. The third stanza's "Warning absent/silence loud" bit is a might too heavy on the abstraction which then shifting to "the turn of the sea" bit in the next stanza is evocative but sorta arrives without enough of a grounding to fully resonate. I would encourage you to add a bit more concrete anchoring here that I believe would sharpen the emotional impact.

However, that's just my opinion. Ignore it if it doesn't serve you. You have a strong, strong instinct for restraint and image.

This is a poem that lingers. Good job.
2026-09-01

Editorial Team
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2026-08-31

jim
I think noir, and frightening. I think tragedy.

I don't know what to think, but i like the poem for all its mystery. Not everything needs to be knowable.
2026-08-26

Jamsbo Rockda
Wow, this is really good. You are the master of existentialism.
2026-08-26