I quietly sob into stiff pillows

I’ll be whispering what I’m thinking aloud

I feel completely alone when you’re not around

I tell myself to let it out and I respond that I can’t

I want to scream my rage and sadness out

And can it like strawberry jam

Sell it near the flea market and traveling harvests

Next to a lady who sells cookbooks and American flags

Next to the man with name brand jeans and cast iron pans

I want to cry my pain and fear away

I’d bottle those tears and age them like wine

There’s a hint of salt water taffy and decay, if anyone has waited to try

I wanna make a living from what I’m feeling

No profit except existence

Acceptance of emotions means survival and healing

Use my words for more than a will

My poetry instead a goodbye note

Use stanzas to give me strength and hope

I will seek abandonment when everything is right

I have learned there’s calm before the storm

Past loves and parental roles have taught me sometimes there’s no reason to fight

It’s unpredictable and with every knock to my door

No matter how friendly

I always hear that someone is breaking in

My issue is that sometimes my worries are correct

They break down these walls, invade what kept me safe

Take advantage of my illness and fester through long-term neglect

I could be drunk on wine that tastes like sea water

with strawberry red bloodshot eyes, puffy from crying

and though I’m hurting I beg them not to say goodbye