May 5, 2021.


anyway, i love you

a few times i found myself,
hugging onto my phone
crying and telling myself to hang up
but i didn't really feel like being alone

and when the voicemail beeps
and i start ranting about what i've been doing
and how i've been lately since they left
it always kind of ends the same way with

"anyway, i love you, and i wish you weren't dead"

a few times i found myself,
typing long letters and messages
tearing up and telling myself to move on
but i don't because i never learn my lesson

and when i realize this will lead me nowhere
and i start to feel myself shut down
feeling my heart twist in my chest
it always kind of ends the same with

"anyway, i love you, and i wish you weren't dead"

a few times i found myself,
getting too comfortable
feeling guilt for growth and progress
but i told myself i can't always be this vulnerable

and when i start to punish my own happiness
and tell myself how could i do such a thing
with them so far away that i can never touch them
so distant that i can't recognize their voices the same way

it always kind of ends the same
with "anyway, i love you, and i wish you weren't dead"




Poetry by aidan haskel
Read 51 times
Written on 2021-05-06 at 01:04

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