A poem about our FT's state of mind during the months following her stay in hospital; syllabics/song.
We welcome comments from everyone. Critique is also fine :>)



After her fall

The magnolia stood on the sprawling front lawn
  blooming purple and pink in the Spring,
an exuberant fanfare as fresh as the dawn;
  she would gaze at the petals and sing.

But this Spring all the brassiness pounds in her head
  and she wishes for something to soothe:
not the daffodil yells nor the tulips, too red,
  nor the grass, so impossibly smooth.

In the shadow of hedge, in a modest array,
  she finds players in delicate hue
and they nod as they chime, with the softest of sway,
  a serene little movement in blue.




Poetry by Coo & Co The PoetBay support member heart!
Read 48 times
Written on 2021-06-02 at 11:37

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Coo & Co The PoetBay support member heart!
We have edited the poem; thank-coos :>)
2021-06-03


Michael R. Burch The PoetBay support member heart!
You have very nice imagery and sounds here.

The tense in the first stanza seems a bit hazy, so perhaps consider something like this, but what you have is fine if you prefer it:

The magnolia stood on the sprawling front lawn
blooming purple and pink in the Spring,
an exuberant fanfare as fresh as the dawn;
she would gaze at the petals and sing.
2021-06-03


Lawrence Beck The PoetBay support member heart!
The thought that spring's exuberance could be overwhelming makes this a rather sad little poem. Luckily, the subtle beauty of the bluebells cheers it, as does the lovely writing.
2021-06-02


one trick pony The PoetBay support member heart!
i love this, finding the subtle, "serene little movement" among the "brassiness." And, I love the song, the rhythm. Most of all, finding something beautiful while in such a difficult situation, blue bells chiming. lovely.
2021-06-02