i don't know who else to turn to   excuse me   to whom to turn   all is not well  here   or there   everyone is tired of my voice   my words have long since worn out their welcome   frankly   what i have to say is not original   not interesting   not well expressed   yawn-inducing   where's the spark   the crashing waves   the crescendo   the climax   snuffed out   robbed by life   by climate and politics and covid and economics and famine   and men with guns   always men with guns  how can i write of dolphins   and salty this and salty that   when all is not well  even close to well   sigh   in my little world   behind the blue door   all is well   sort of   as my friend says   sort of   and he's right   all is sort of well   not much spark these days between work and worry and the sheer weight of months and months of sameness   work and worry   not much romping   of course we pay the penalty for being   at this time in our lives   childless   our hours are ours   which leads to self-absorption   if not self-importance   not that marketa doesn't have her students   she does   but behind the blue door   it’s quiet   when did i last lol   or she   today   after class   marketa made a kind of chicken stew   so good   so very good   while i did the laundry   made the bed   put fresh air in the car tires   that was a joke   swept the flagstones and front walk   i mean   i mean   we're sittin' here on the group-w bench   i’m sorry   childhood memory   dad's song   i’m devolving into nonsense   diary   it all seems so serious and all so ridiculous and all so difficult   except the going to bed part   that's sweet   that’s lovely   brush teeth   say goodnight   maybe   maybe not   hand on hip at the least   think thoughts   drift off   waking is problematic   greet the morn   the pre-dawn morn   with heart a-flutter   but that's me   diary   marketa sleeps better   wakes easier  worries less   tra la   takes it as it comes   tra la   streams   tra   of   la  consciousness   la   tra la   i am a modern major general   tra la