I had a brief discussion with my father a few years ago and read only the beginning of his last text to me and dismissed it as more of his bs. I wish now that I had read the message in entirety because that would have given us something to build on inste


An Unsettled Score

Good-bye, Father,
I wish I could have said,
as you slipped away
in your hospital bed.

I got the call
at three in the morning,
and as shock set in
it came right for me.

I thought long ago
that I had moved on,
from wanting to hear
that you were proud I am your son.

But hearing those words
brought me back to when,
I wanted to hear you say it,
even back then.

All those years with
nothing between us said,
anger me most because
you can't now that you're dead.

We had a chat once,
a few years ago,
but I didn't read the last thing you sent,
and so, I didn't know,

That in that text
you said what I needed to hear,
but it wasn't until you died
that I had the ear.

You said I was special to you,
and that you did love me,
and I broke down and cried
with storm clouds above me.

I know I was difficult,
some children just are,
but you did teach me things,
like how to drive your car.

You taught me manners and chess
and how to love at a distance,
which still causes me anguish,
even this instance.

I hide my feelings,
just like you showed me,
because if you ask her,
she doesn't even know me.

And I see more of you
in me every day,
some good, some bad,
but most either way.

I don't know how
to be a good dad,
I'm not blaming you
or making you look bad,

But like you said,
there's no parenting guide,
so live and learn
and try not to hide.

So, I will tell my son,
my girls too,
how special they are
to me and to you.

Because now that I know
that my dad did love me,
I can love my children
whole-heartedly.

Because now I know
that my dad really did love me,
I can be more than what
you expected of me.

I longed to hear
those words in life,
yet all those years
I carried in strife,

But now that you're gone
and can speak no more,
no more will I speak
of an unsettled score.

I love you, Dad.





Poetry by Bonehead83
Read 153 times
Written on 2022-04-14 at 19:30

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Griffonner The PoetBay support member heart!
Ah! I know these feelings oh so well. Your poem could be describing my relationship with my mother! Whenever I come across other people with such feelings I am heartened that I was not alone. Your poem will help others like us. Well done.
2022-04-14