Esti: I was not shure about the hankerchief, it sounded good actually and I got empty of good words. Hankerchiefs are often thought about as sad feelings or a sign of separation and the explotion is about anger. Maybe your is better than mine.


Why do wars come?

I see the the rain
coloured like blood
on the lands.

I see the the train
I see the sad hankercief exploding
in my hands.

I see uncoloured people in pain
I see bad people involved
I see life
in a blood red grain

I see wars coming
for reasons
yet not
Understood.




Poetry by Poe_t
Read 588 times
Written on 2005-10-18 at 11:46

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Esti D-G
Hiya Poe_t! Lovely poem, loved the image of " life in a blood red grain" and the " handkerchief exploding in my hands" like a terrorist's bomb.
Grammar hint : If your verbs are in the past , its usually best to keep all verbs in the past,
Verbs in the present - stay in the present
i.e. "few know the causes... and few survive"
handkerchief
not yet - its always "not yet" or "not now" , not ever , not sure etc.
Color is the U.S. spelling , the English version (the original) is colour, uncoloured
"involving" - doesn't make sense, did you mean "involved? meddling? interfering?


Hope my corrections are helpful'
luv esti
esti
2005-10-22


penfold18
Wars seem to have become a way of life, which is sad as they change lives forever, well written.
2005-10-18