Diary entry

It doesn't matter(if it was the right answer or not).

Recently, I read a online diary entry about a girl(now a woman)that was not hugged during her childhood and later on, while getting older, she tried herself to learn the Rules of hugging(for how long to hug etc.)  but still with sadness in her heart, I could empathize. Her story reminded me of my story, a similar but not so similar story and this is how it began:

One day during my “childhood” years I decided to answer a question, a inner need, a *?* that needed to be answered. So I started the thought process: ‘I like to be hugged, I know what it means to be hugged because our guests and relatives love to pinch my cheek and hug me. But never for too long’ and I wondered.’ Why don’t they, my mother, father and sister hug me?’ At that instant I decided to analyze what a hug is.

‘Hm, a silent hug means that you have to lift your hands, wrap your arms around someone and hold them in that position, squeeze a little bit or perhaps touch that person’s hair or  shoulder. Aha! I think I understand, maybe it is strenuous, makes them feel tired but I don’t get tired, I have so much energy! Hm, what can I do then? I like the body contact. I can massage them, they will not have to massage me back, feel tired.’ . . .and this is how this, one out of many life adventures began.

I researched, found articles about massage and tried some techniques on my skin. I also massaged some relatives, friends and some members of my family; I also made sure to get proper feedback in order to improve my skill. I now had a let’s say good CV and a golden achievement on my record: I have once upon a time massaged a person for 5 hours(non-stop). Yes, something to brag about:D

I was now a high school student (and kept myself up to date by reading massage related articles). During the brakes some friends would ask for a massage and I would massage them. I understood that they perhaps had the same need. One day:D haha. One sunny school day our teachers decided to take us on an excursion.

My friends and I went to a sea-view café, together with the rest of our school. We’ve ordered coffee and kept talking. A new friend showed me a very good trick(he warmed his hands with his breath and then rubbed them on his denim jeans and then just swept like a wave with his hands over me, my fingers, my arms, face and I could feel his electrifying non- touch*cool stuff*mm sensuous static electricity.)  I then, spontaneously, as a gift for the experience he gave me, massaged his fingers and palms and taught him how to do it.

I also told him that he can massage the toes that way as well. But we’ve got interrupted (while I was massaging one of his fingers) because me massaging him was like opening the gates to what was about to take place:DD  

One girl I knew, from our school saw that I was massaging him and she came to me, came closer and looked deep into my eyes with puppy eyes: ‘what about me? Me too! Come ooon, remember your promise?” Uh nuh what to do I always keep my promises and she have been waiting for so long. . .

because every time she asked for a massage I had already massaged someone else and I needed some free time and I was also busy but I had promised her, to massage her one day, when the opportunity presented itself.

So when I was done massaging him I start massaging her, her neck and shoulders , arms  but while massaging her, her tag along friend(<-meaning that I met her that day) expressed her wish, that she also wanted some massage and then some boys from my class came and they also wanted and their friends came and the massage party/teaching of new (full body or not) massage techniques began and we had fun, talked about life, things:D Phew, what a day! Fun times! ~¤ . . .

Back to the hugging. One day when I was 18 I decided to take responsibility for what is happening in my life. My mother and I were taking a nap, it was a peaceful day(my father was on a business trip and my sister lived in another city, as a university student)  and I decided to hug her. I did but when I tried she jumped up, scared and I told her: It’s ok now, it is just you and I, nobody else, allow me to give you a hug, come on. She did hug me back, it felt good.

After that moment I decided that I will never “blame” her for not hugging me, I understood.  I hugged my sister the day she confide in me that she was leaving our house, I agreed and opened her eyes about things she didn’t know, she hugged me that day, it was a good day. The last hug I gave to my mother was the day I left our home, she didn’t want me to leave her alone and slapped me but I told her: I don’t want this to be my last memory of you, you are my mother and I love you, she understood and hugged me. Yeah. That was it. Oh and few months ago(2010) my sister told me that my mother hugged her and when I asked her when, it was some months after the day I hugged my mother for the very first time. Parents are humans too. That is the end of this text.


*Oh I almost forgot the first time my sister hugged me was when I was 10 years old, it was when she had broken her arm.




Short story by night soul woman The PoetBay support member heart!
Read 1068 times
Written on 2010-09-25 at 23:58

Tags Life  Childhood  Philosophy 

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