This is my lyrical re-write. How life is generally a battle. - 22nd November 2010.


Spiritual bouquet.

The yellow of an ocean has now gone,
I've seen that new colour when the day is done,
To the eve as it started, wanting to stay,
My sweet-hearted flame is out today.

The sister of brotherhood, the loneliness of man,
Nature craves the escapade of gods master plan,
In crimson distant clouds believing in fate,
I might just believe in it but not in that state.

On that musky day that we did see,
All the children playing in a mid-summer breeze.
On light of every person trying too hard,
Wanting to take part on a lonely boulevard.

The space between shadows that mourn in the day,
Grieving with attitude but still at play,
And I wouldn't lie to you, my spiritual bouquet.



Poetry by John Ashleigh
Read 904 times
Written on 2010-11-22 at 16:45

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NicholasG
Life is a battle but we soldier on..
Thank goodness we have colours to mask the back ground grey.
Enjoyed this one John.
Thanks,
Nick
2010-11-27


Kshiti Dubey
I loved the flow of the poem. 'On the musky day that we did see', I felt as though I was watching a scene go by my eyes.
2010-11-23


Amy Valentina
Great usage of words to create a vivid painting...
I could visualize the situations and the scenes...
Lively and very beautiful!!!

LOL,
Amy
2010-11-23


existence
being alone can be beautiful and painful at the same time..
such is life..it does inspire creativity in an individual..
maybe it has inspired you too...
"My sweet-hearted flame it out today"
smiling...very well-written!
2010-11-23


shells
Some lovely phrases "the space between shadows that mourn in the day." I too wondered if it was the yellow of the sunset. Thoroughly enjoyed this, great title which also rounded off the end of the poem nicely.
2010-11-23



I enjoy the structure and rhyme format of your poem. It enhances the theme, a pleasure to read.

I'm wondering about the image of the yellow ocean. A sunset color?

jim
2010-11-22


Nils Teodor The PoetBay support member heart!
Beautiful
Very well written
2010-11-22


An-ders
"The sister of brotherhood, the loneliness of man,"...Very nice!
2010-11-22