okay, so this is weird, brand-new, and offered up for the scalpel-thoughts of my fellow poets. please critique! change it? pitch it? frame it (lol)?


Sated


what depths conceal
the anguished voice
of reason's advocate,
uncensored and untamed?

from where does
stretching madness
reach up to grasp
what hope remains?

is there a way
to silence thoughts
both damning
and alive?

elixir, tonic
formula
from which
sanity derives?

fermented desperation-
we drink

liquid realizations-
we sink









Poetry by StillHoppin The PoetBay support member heart!
Read 397 times
Written on 2013-03-27 at 01:08

dott Save as a bookmark (requires login)
dott Write a comment (requires login)
dott Send as email
dott Print text



Yet another excellent write. I love it in its entirety, but these lines here really grab hold of me:

is there a way
to silence thoughts
both damning
and alive?


Is there a way? I don't know. I haven't been successful yet. Admittedly I have been close, but to what cost?
2013-04-16


F.i.in.e Moods The PoetBay support member heart!
From one line to the next, it gives the distinct feeling that sinking is in progress, for me. "Reason's advocate", "stretching madness", "fermented desperation", "liquid realizations" are simply awesome to create the mood. Needless to say, I enjoyed this quite a bit :)
2013-03-28



There is a bit of E.A. Poe in here. Somewhere. A disembodied voice.

I have a theory that you took a Poe story, one paragraph of a story, and removed 75% of the words, and came up with this portable feast of a poem, for which I say "bravo."

In case you can't tell, I'm teasing. Sort of.

Maybe it isn't Poe, but MacBeth.
2013-03-27


shells
I enjoyed this, I won't pretend to know where it's coming from though. I loved the opening stanza, "of reason's advocate" is a great phrase.
2013-03-27



I like the shape--sort of makes me think of an elegant vial or a Grecian urn.

Also admire the way you carry the image of thirst and liquids successfully from beginning to end. I usually lose control of my metaphors around mid-poem and start out talking about a red fox but end up discoursing on the moon.

William
2013-03-27


Chaucer Whethers The PoetBay support member heart!
this has me reflecting on the writing process
as a medium with which to project the abstract
emotional inner state into the world out there.
Words have a life of their own
Some seem to write themselves into being

Look there are some > poetry.
2013-03-27


Commentally Ill
okay *gets my scalpel* here goes: wait. did someone say fermented desperation? my favorite. your comment will have to wait - i am thirsty. getting my goblet as we speak. do be a dear, and save some for me.

oh, and you've got a bit of desperation dribbling off your chin. thought you ought to know.

c.i.
2013-03-27