Any thoughts and suggestions are always appreciated - tear it to shreds if it needs it. Thanks. ~

life and death

life cajoles a whimper-
death extols the sigh.


life takes notice of happy folks
minding their own business
walking along, and kicks them
in the head repeatedly.

death looks on and laughs
offers solace till you want it
then runs the other direction
at the speed of light.


soul is processed, tempered,
tamed, and then we die.

Poetry by StillHoppin The PoetBay support member heart!
Read 1111 times
Written on 2013-03-29 at 01:23

Tags Life  Death  Dark 

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Shamshad Alam
It was a great piece. The way you have compared death and life, is amazing. It's true we aware of what's happening in our life but death is something sudden.

Those first two lines... Wow. They're the kind of lines (when I'm lucky enough to come up with something so "right") that I can't for the life of me add anything else to. Somehow you've done it here, and you did it well.

Ok, this deserves a serious response. Lines like "death looks on and laughs//offers solace till you want it" don't go by unnoticed, and the entire second stanza is pretty much like a . . . kick in the head. One (I) wonder what led to such thoughts, but having had such thoughts myself I don't have to wonder too hard.

I'm listening to Shiny Happy People as I write this.

I do wonder if people skipped being happy whether they would be kicked less often, or would the kicks comes incessantly, one continual kick. Ouch.

This is a pretty tough assessment of life, the ending leaves little room for doubt about that. The fact is that is more or less how it goes.

However! It ain't all bad, and you have acknowledge that happy people don't get kicked ALL the time, and maybe, just maybe, those kickless moments, days, weeks, months, etc. make the journey ok, or better than ok, maybe great, brilliant, shiny.

We all know how it ends, but the process of getting there can be quite varied, though I will admit, it is often random and unfair along the way, for some more than others.

The second line "death extols the sigh," seems just right. I see it as a relief, one way or another, a blessed letting go. Maybe we share a certain morbidity.

Oops. Song ended. Now I'm hearing Nick Drake's "Man in a Shed."

jim (the shiny happy man in a shed)
2013-03-30 Moods The PoetBay support member heart!
Well, that was cheery ;) Sorry, I couldn't help myself :)

The first stanza I get the wish for a release. The second stanza that life is unpredictable and often unfair, the good always seemingly paying the harshest. The third stanza that we get seasoned through our pains only to die a short time after having mastered their effects. I got a sense that everything is pointless when all things considered. Pretty heavy :)

The untamed soul never dies!
Do not go gently into the night.
Rave, rave against the fright!

Commentally Ill
well, you asked for it. *prints poem, and rips it into shreds*

do you feel any better?


Take a dose of R.E.M. Shiny Happy People, and call me in the morning.

Dr. jim