IB M

nah, I don't spend my time thinking about this stuff... but things do pop up in mind once in a while out of the blue... he was known as Lion (said in French) on the streets... to be clear, I was not there engaging in criminal activity or part of the chase or none of that... I saw him later after the incident and he told me what happened...

Remember the night

Everything went to hell

How quickly things

Degenerated to tragedy

A friend got himself into

A heap of trouble while

High as a kite engaging

In criminal activity

Ensued a car police chase

And then a chase on foot

In which he crossed the busy

Autoroute dodging the cars

To then jump over the railing

Of the overpass, falling meters

Down to the pavement below

Completely shattering his body

He survived but the damage

Was too great for any repair, he was

Now quadriplegic at the age of twenty

Because of a really stupid moment...

It's not something you forget

I've never experienced this before,

But to actually have my skin crawl

At the sight of that ignoramus 'cause

His whole vibe is completely repugnant

Is a strong reaction to have about someone.

I cannot for the life of me find any

Redeeming qualities to this man.

He's as vaccuous as vaccuous can be.

It's a complete mystery to me what

Anyone can see in him to want to follow.

He's an absolute well-established loser of life

Who cheats his way to get what he wants.

And his only interest really is himself.

As for him being a straight-up tell-it-like-it-is guy,

That's a load of nonsense, not what he does at all.

Have you listened to what he says?

The guy can't string sentences together,

Let alone coherent or reasonable ideas,

That make any damn sense.

He says nothing, and he rambles on.

How can anyone be attracted to that? 

It's a sincere head-scratcher to me.

- on to the next chapters of my life...  I realize this is a bit weird to express it in this way, but there you go...

Here's a very embarrassing admission... F.i.in.e Moods stands for:  Fucked up, Insecure, Insanely Neurotic, Emotional Moods... I know it's nothing brilliant, but it certainly felt fitting at the time... the origins are lifted from Aerosmith's song F*I*N*E from their 1989 Pump album... 

I've decided to finally lay her to rest

For she has fulfilled her protection of me

Through all those years of immeasurable pain

I was left to deal with after all of the horrors.

We 'came together' when I was a preteen,

During those years when I started roaming the streets.

F*I*N*E was my nickname then because of the patch

I'd sewn on my jean jacket displaying those letters.

It's how I was called by all on the streets,

So it's been an association for a very long time,

And so in a way she's been a part of me through everything

I had to deal with, seeing me through many rough spots.

When I started writing online about all I'd experienced,

I modified my nickname to F.i.in.e Moods,

And she somehow was a strengthened F*I*N*E who

Became my shield to hide behind to protect myself.

But today, I do not need to protect myself anymore.

I'm no longer terrified or pained or hidden away

To the extremes I needed to survive for so many years,

So this survival mechanism is truly no longer required.

I have to admit that I'm sad to let her go, 

It feels like a death of a dear one to me.

But I know at this juncture it's what's needed

For me to move on to the next steps of my life.

So, I can only say my goodbye to my dearest FM,

She'll always hold a special place in my heart.

But it's time for me to step out of my hiding,

And allow myself to exist in this world as only me.

All that happened isn't anywhere near who I am,

And she and I only existed because of what happened.

But that time is gone, and though it was a great

Support, it's over now... she can rest at last, as can I.

Whenever you say nothing

My mind seeks to fill in the blanks,

And of course, goes to the most

Negative possibilities there could be.

Have to, with much effort, stop it

From spiralling into the worst

Of scenarios my imagination

Can spring up to speculate on.

Not sure why I'm so insecure

When you have nothing to say.

But whenever this happens,

It relentlessly plays on my mind.

The website here has been online

Since 20 May 2005, and when we

Became involved at managing

The site in 2009, the webhosting

Provider was changed at that point,

If I'm not mistaken on that one.

That was fine, there were no issues,

But our webhosting provider then got

Bought out by another company,

And then that company got bought out

By another company, so our original

Choice as provider has long been gone.

The companies have all been from

One area in Europe, and although

They are happy to accept business

From English-speaking customers,

Can't say their employees actually

Know how to use it with much efficiency.

So simple contacts for simple info

Can turn into a very drawn-out affair,

'Cause evidently, there's a language issue

Between us to understand each other clearly.

Put into the mix that they are also very

Disorganized in their operations...

It is very, very rare to get clear explanations

Or even clear info, 'cause in the span of

Eight emails, there are many contradictions,

And often contrary assertions to what 

They initially started from, and you're left

Really not sure what the hell they're on about.

A lot of time has to be wasted to get

Any sort of sensible answer from them.

So, yeah, after years of this, I always

Get weary now any time I have to contact them.

Every time always ends in complete exasperation,

I think I've come to actually dread it at this point.

This time they contacted us mid-May

To inform us that our plan/contract

Would be terminated on 31 May, and

That they would move our site to

A newer technology server....    (again!)
Then tell us it'll happen around 13 June.

But then tell us in July, sorry, they don't know

At this time when the move will be scheduled,

But that 7 days before the move they would

Notify us of the date this will be happening.

Then tell us, after many emails trying to find

Out what our new system will be and cost,

We are going to maintain our current contract

With no cost changes when we are moved,

And that the costs quoted are only for new contracts.

To this very moment, it's beyond me why they

Quoted me the costs for new contracts when I'd

Specifically asked if the migration would affect our costs.

So all of the ten emails could have been

Resolved in one had they just answered

My initial question which was based

On what they had informed me was happening.

And it's always like this for any sort of contact with them,

Have quite a number of examples accumulated over the years.

I'm really working hard to remain patient

When it comes to these guys, and I can tell you,

The less contact with them, the better...

It'll drive you crazy, I swear.

But despite all of the big niggles of their poor operations,

They still remain one of the most inexpensive out there.

So, yeah.