IB M

Plus rien à dire

Ni même à offrir

Juste prête à partir

J'ai tant essayé

De tout réparer

Ce qu'ils ont brisé

Je n'ai pas réussis

À remonter ce défi

En temps, c'est fini

Pour toute liberté

Que j'osais espérer

Elle s'est volatilisée

Le jour que j'ai appris

Qu'il n'y aurait de sursis

Pour le reste de ma vie

Le tout a commencé

Dans un enfer non mérité

Et il finira aussi brimé

Malgré ce que j'ai tenté

Pendant plusieurs années

Pour vivre, pour me libérer

Mais là, plus rien à dire

Et vraiment plus rien à offrir

Je suis juste prête à partir

Je suis sincèrement désolée

Pas mon intention de t'affecter

C'est juste que là, c'est assez

Je n'ai plus l'énergie ni le désir

Si cela continue, ce sera le délire

J'ai besoin que ça en vienne à finir

Yeah, you might be right,

I'm feeling pretty miserable.

I'm finding myself awake

At 2am or 3am again unable

To sleep 'cause my body is

In a storm of physical pain.

So, yeah, it's starting to get to

Me, I'm completely exhausted.

Not being able to sleep is putting

Me back in my past hell, 'cause

I'm too weak to ward it off then.

You're right, I'm totally miserable.

But, as you know, nothing can be

Done about that one, just got to

Get on with it as best as I can.

I'll be honest with you, I'm not

Sure for how much more time

I'll be able to withstand it, though.

Not to be melodramatic about it,

But everyone's got their limit.

The intensity of my pain has been

Increasing lately, and it's just the

Start.  No improvements in 8 years,

Only this progressive deterioration.

I can't begin to describe what my

Body feels like on a daily basis.

What it feels like to make simple

Movements, forget the less simple.

There isn't a moment any time in

My body where there isn't pain.

It's a constant whether I move or not.

After a while, it tends to get to me.

As I expressed a couple weeks ago,

Trying to not let despair settle in,

But it's kind of tugging at me and

Not wanting to let go, pulling hard...

And I'm in no shape for a battle.

Look, I don't know why

You would even think

That I would find it sexy

Or remotely charming

To receive your 'dick pic'.

You think there's a girl out

There who looks at that

And finds it beautiful?

Sorry to burst your bubble,

But no one finds it is at all.

I don't want to see that,

It's a big zero for attraction.

Come on, man, is that the

Best way to court a girl

That you can come up with?

Sorry for my unbridled bluntness,

But that's so incredibly stupid

And so far from impressive.

It's difficult to believe that you

Think that'll even be successful.

Sending your 'dick pick' my

Way only tells me you're an idiot

Who is incapable of intellectual

Reflection and decent interactions

With others, a poor impression.

So, yeah, not going to happen,

Keep your 'dick pics' to yourself.

Osti de cornet, as we'd say here.

It's hard to imagine anyone thinking

It's a good idea to send pics like that.

Seriously, man, reevaluate things.

A knock on the door came one afternoon,

So I opened it.  Standing there was a

Youngish man and a middle-aged woman

With a clipboard, so I waited for them to

Offer their explanation for being at my door.

They introduced themselves as partisans

Of the Parti Marxiste-Léniniste du Québec,

And they were wondering if they could count

On my support at the upcoming elections.

Honestly, I had to ask them to repeat that...

Communism in Québec?  Marx and Lenin, what?

But these people were actually serious about

This, must admit I found it very surprising.

It's not exactly something you hear about,

Well, certainly not in my entourage, anyway.

To each their own, for sure, but wow... Lenin? 

A killer of millions, a harbinger of suffering,

Why on earth would I even consider his ideas?

That's simply ridiculous, I can't view it any

Other way, so you can definitely count me out.

But as I always do in these circumstances, I did

Not answer their question, only told them that

It's not a topic I wish to discuss with them and bid

Them well.  They were clearly a bit thrown off by

That, and attempted to insist, but I said we're done.

I'm not a political gal, but come on... 

What a strange hope to aspire to for Québec.

- not meaning to complain, just I'm so very exhausted...

It feels like I've spent

A majority of my life

Hoping for it to come

To an end for some relief

And as things stand now

It looks pretty clear that'll

Never go away, it'll grow

Stronger along as this

Inevitable deterioration

Only worsens in time and my

Energy completely disappears

All this suffering will get me

In the end, no doubt about it

It's wearing me out fiercely

And with no remedy possible

This hope only intensifies

I'm ok, but not entirely, as

Now it's my body that's failing

I'm not in a state of despair, but

Can feel it close to settling in

I try to ward it off as best I can

Realistically, though, I have

Serious doubts I'll be successful

I'm physically so very tired now

Everything is so difficult to do

Simple to less simple it's the same

Every movement is like undertaking

The challenge of climbing mountains

So much energy is required

That I just don't have anymore

And solutions are inexistent, feels 

All I have left is this morbid hope

- remembering my brother's head... oh, it was stunningly awful... 

I couldn't believe it, yet

At the same time, I could...

Talking about that time Mom

Cut my brother's hair, it was

A disaster.  The woman had

Absolutely no talent for it, I

Mean she even badly botched

It using a hair clipper, that takes

Some doing, if you ask me...

I really tried my best not to

Burst out in tears of laughter

On seeing my brother's head,

But oh did it ever stand out!

There were very visible, very

Uneven white patches all around

His skull, it was totally awful.

And of course to make matters

Better, my brother arrived in

Class pretty late, getting himself

Noticed by all of our classmates

Who, you can probably guess,

Outright laughed hard at him.

I felt bad for my brother, I'd've

Been mortified had it been me.

After this last disaster, I can say

My brother and I never let our

Mother cut our hair ever again.

The woman was terrible at it,

Even after completing a course.

Sure, cutting hair requires skills,

But a modicum of talent helps...

She obviously possessed none.

We knew better than to let that happen

Again, so it was the last time she ever did.

- I'm not a great Facebook user, but it's pretty frequent to see a post from someone relaying a good deed they did for a homeless person... however, there are often qualifiers as to why they accepted to help that person... 

My preference is for good deeds

To be done in private between

The one giving and the one receiving.

What we see too much of is good

Deeds being publicly exhibited, but only

So the one giving looks good to others.

But often, those who choose to exhibit

Their good deeds in this manner usually

Ruin it with their closed-minded attitude.

Adding qualifiers such as the person they

Helped was not a drug addict or alcoholic, so

Their help would not be used 'inappropriately'.

If you're going to help someone, that

Doesn't mean you get to place conditions

Or decide how your help gets used.

You either help them, or you don't.

Just because you decide to help doesn't

Mean you know what's best for them.

Making a point to advertise the person

Was not a drug addict or an alcoholic, as if

If they were, they weren't worthy of help,

Completely annuls any feeling of admiration

I might have felt for your good deed toward

Another in need, true help excludes judgements.

Your public display of this awesome deed

You want everyone to know you did is just

So others see how good of a person you are.

But that is simply not the vibe I get from it.

Deciding and justifying that one is more worthy

Than another to receive your help isn't kind at all.

Very far from the spirit of wanting to help.

So yeah, sorry, I'm really not impressed.

- I grew up in the French community and the English community of Québec city... obviously, the English community is very small... and must abide by many, many provincial language laws to restrict public usage of English (ex.: in English institutions, all signs must have French in prominence and English in smaller letters)...

these laws are mainly targeted at the English language... even though the 'English' problem was 400 years ago...

Indépendantiste... a person who believes Québec is a distinct nation / culture from the rest of Canada and strives to make Québec its own country, separate from Canada... usually a very intolerant group to others who don't speak French in their province, they are a driving force behind our Office québécois de la langue française (we affectionately dub them the language police, they emit the fines). 

these talks come about not because I start up on the subject, but from an outsider's point of view, it's pretty extreme and hard to follow (from my insider's view as well)... so I guess they want to know where I stand on the issue... 

I am not a political person in the least... but I have thoughts about what's going on...

Whenever I have conversations

With other Canadians who do

Not live in Québec, talks inevitably

Turn to my province's politics.

You know, the whole Québec

Separating from Canada and all

Those language laws put in place

For the 'protection' of our culture.

I've grown up with all of this

Hogwash, and the level of

Embarrassment it brings is very

High, 'cause all of it is just dense.

The English threat is just ridiculous.

Making a whole population unilingual

And presenting it as a duty to protect the

Existence of our culture is disingenuous.

Knowing more than one language

Is not a slippery slope for any culture.

Knowing the universal language English

Is not a betrayal of our French culture.

The whole thing doesn't make sense,

And it's always embarrassing to be

Associated with it since I live here.

In no uncertain terms, I reject this BS.

I've lived first-hand the deluded hate

A lot of Indépendantistes mete out

When they hear English being spoken

In their surrounding, get very aggressive.

In reality, though, I'm one of their own,

Fully French from birth, but I know

English and use it on a regular basis,

Since half of my people are anglophone.

But that I dare to speak English in public

Is an offensive affront to these people.

It's mind blowing to be attacked like that,

'Cause they believe if you live in Québec,

Then you should be speaking French.

As if the fact I'm speaking English means

I don't know French, awfully presumptuous,

But even if that was the case, so what?

Someone doesn't know their language,

Big deal.  They don't know any other

Language than their own, so what's the

Difference?  Deux poids, deux mesures, ici.

Having gone through those attacks,

I guess it shaped my perspective in seeing

All of this as absolutely ridiculous and

Lacking proper rational reasoning.

These people have been sold a lie

And they've bought die-hard

Into the non existent fear that their

Culture will be obliterated, otherwise.

Shaking my head. 

I struggle to understand

What the feeling is about.

Referring to national pride,

Why would I feel proud

To have been born

In Québec, Canada?

It's not an achievement,

It's just a fact of the matter.

This time of year is fun,

It's when I can finally

Take my e-scooter out

And get myself places

So much easier, quicker.

I can't begin to describe

How much I love to go

Around on this thing!

It's an actual joy, and I

Always look forward

To when it can be taken

Out on the roads again.

The snow is gone, the

Weather getting milder,

Freedom of movement at last!