IB M

- RAMQ : Régie de l'assurance maladie du Québec... our health ministry...

doctors are my clients... obviously wouldn't say it, but the thoughts are there... 

Dear Doctor,

I'd like to make a gentle reminder

That your claims are not declined

By me specifically, I have no part

In that process at all, all I do is

Relay RAMQ's decisions to you.

So, of course I'm aware your

Patient was still alive at the time

Of the visits you billed, but in

RAMQ's registry, it indicates

That this particular patient

Was deceased on those dates.

Either RAMQ's registry is wrong,

Or the patient billed is wrong,

But I had nothing to do with this.

Please remember, I'm just the

Messenger assisting you through it.

Thank you

- with a backpack holding my laptop and work things...  

When I make the trip

To go to work, it starts

With me going down

Two flights of stairs

With the help of my

Trekking poles, then

I have to fight to open

The entrance door,

'Cause its hinges are

Tight and hold the

Door well closed.

Once that battle is over,

I walk the icy path to

My car, trying to not

Break my neck on the

Way, unlock the car door,

Sit my touche on the seat

And then slowly hoist

My left leg in, 'cause I

Can't lift it on its own without

Serious pain shooting through.

Once that's done, I drive

To the office, but the parking

Lot is 500 metres away from

The door, so when parked,

I have to mosy myself down

The road as best as I can to

Reach the office, which is

A pretty strenuous activity.

Then the whole day in the office,

I have long distances to cover

To get myself to the bathroom,

To get my break, to get anything,

So a lot of walking is involved.

Then at the end of the day,

There're those 500 metres to

Cover again, the hoisting of 

My left leg into the car, then

Navigating the icy path to

My front entrance's door,

Then the agonizing pulling

Of that stiff-hinged door,

And finally, the going up

The two flights of stairs

With my trekking poles.

After a day like that, my body

Feels completely strained,

The pain is screaming at me,

And I can't even eat or sleep.

So yeah, going to the office

Is quite the escapade requiring

A lot of energy, it's becoming

All too much at this point.

To say I'm exhausted would

Not be any sort of exaggeration.

- the pain in my body is chronic... any movement exacerbates it... and well, can't go through life without movement...

Some sort of relief

Now that's a dream

Just it's unattainable

And I have to learn

To somehow live with it

How does one do that?

It's frankly humiliating

To be put in this position

In order for me to maintain

This gracious accommodation

I have to provide a note every

6 months to justify maintaining it

So I have to make a trip to the

Doctor's office to confirm

Making trips is an issue for me

As if this condition is ever

Going to see any improvement

Do you not see how ridiculous

Your procedure is in the context

Of a degenerative condition?

Each note will only ever say

The same as every previous ones

You're making me do what causes

Me the greatest pain to do, just

To get a note that will say the same

This brings me pain for no reason

Well, certainly none that I can find

Procedures are fine, but they need sense!

Really think about the position you're

Putting me in with this absurd request

A bit like asking a wheel-chair bound

Person to climb up the steps to get help, no?

- don't mind me... a bit down, I guess...

Anger isn't a feeling

I get very often...

But there is something

That's getting my goat...

About how it started in pain,

And how it'll end in pain...

That's my life.  It was out of

My hands then, still is today...

And nothing can help that.

Sometimes wonder

How long before

This constant pain

In my body'll make

Me lose it completely...

- brother...

He got insulted that I expressed

How unimpressed I was with

The way he handled things during

An unusual crisis that happened.

He'd totally gone with it as if any

Of it had any merit, as if this was

A usual thing to be happening for me,

He didn't even question a single thing.

So naturally, when all was said and 

Done, I for the first time expressed

How his behavior had not been satisfactory

In the circumstances of what was going on.

I did not appreciate the lack of respect

Or the heavy-handed response to a

Situation that was never my usual...

It was humiliating beyond any words.

So yeah, I was not pleased at all,

Seems to me to be a perfectly normal

Response that I did not like it one bit.

The funny thing is, he's insulted?

Man, he really does live on another planet.

I sort of get this may exasperate you,

But I think I'm not doing too badly

Considering everything, you know.

I could have turned out a whole

Lot more differently, don't you agree? 

So, come on now, cut me a break.

I have never imposed myself or

My problems your way, not once;

You know that is not in my nature.

I don't believe any of this has

Anything to do with me at all,

It's just you who doesn't know

What he should be saying back,

And getting frustrated at how little

There is that can be done by you.

But that wholly belongs to you. 

- after nearly 30 years mostly cooped up at home... unable to go out or be with people...

The real issue is that I'm alone

There's no one around at all

After all these decades isolated

There really is no one left and

It's unclear how to change that

I crave making connections today

But I can't make people appear and

I don't know where to find them

So I keep on being alone now

It's the thing left that pains me

Only hope I can find it a resolution

I don't know what it means 

When you have nothing to say,

And it bothers me to no end,

'Cause I imagine the worst.

I can't help feel like something

Is wrong, not as it should be,

And of course, that runs around

My mind quite endlessly.

I don't know what it means

When you have nothing to say,

I can't help wonder if you're ok,

If what I said is terrible or dumb.

I can't guess without your input.