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Purple Puddles

36 years old from India




Unearthing a few oldies

I didn't go for the Coldplay concert FYI



Stuck in Traffic

Written 2017-11-06

Stuck in traffic on the way to work is a great time to write. This is one of the reasons I won't get a bike.

Went for a wedding reception and caught myself grinning all the way home. Everyone's getting married or asking when you are. I'm not. How about that?

Hounddog. I like the way this comes up in the hound of Baskerville. I should watch the last episode of that.

Coldplay's new song is in the Life of Pi. I'm not surprised. Just sad. I don't know what draws the line between underground and sell out but it's definitely not them! I'll go for the concert if they do come to India. For old times sake, I have to!



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Limbo



plateau

Written 2017-11-06

I'm on a plateau. I can choose to fall off the edge or soar above it. I don't know what's worse. Moving on or staying still. Sometimes I'm just sitting here waiting.Not sure what's next, what to expect.Yes, I want that too. I want to be married and pregnant by the time I'm thirty. But that's not going to happen. So I'll sit here and pretend I don't feel this sadness. I'm living the life. I have everything I've ever wanted. I'm not struggling with anything. I'm not alone or poor or over-worked. I texted him saying 'Let's run away together' and I expected doubts. But I was given a choice and now I don't know what to do with it. I'll just sit here on my plateau, dangling my feet over the edge, waiting.



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Boy toy

Written 2017-11-02

You know when you first download a game and you're obsessed with it; You start to fill up all your high scores and try beating your previous score at each level. That's what sex is like in the beginning. Everything's new and exciting. You're always experimenting to see what'll work better, give you a higher high.



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Father's Day

Written 2017-11-02

It's not that I wish I had a dad or that he was around for more of my childhood.It's not that I wish I didn't have to see everyone selfies with their fathers and the mushy brand  just tvideos. It's that it reminds me how I'm different and I could never relate to what most people. I'm trying to make it sound poetic. But it doesn't.  I'm sad. I'm sad that I'm almost 30 and not married yet. I'm sad that my mom won't even talk about the existence of my boyfriend. I'm sad that I'm not 100% happy in my relationship and I have no power to change it. I'm angry that he made out with someone else and I'm still with him.



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Falling Again

Written 2017-11-02

If you don't say it out loud it's not true right?
I didn't think I could feel like this again. I didn't think my heart would take the trouble to fall again, to flirt again. Yet here I am unable to get him off my mind.
 
I really, really want to ping him but I know he doesn't reply in business hours so I'm resisting. I don't get why I play these games with myself. It's silly right? I have one shot left. And I want to waste it on a link of urban dictionary meanings of Indian surnames.
 
I want to spend the whole weekend fucking him. I also wonder if the reality won't live up to the fantasy. That would be sad. I wasn't scared of this with R cos I had had a taste and I was confident. Here I feel either I'm going to be a let down or it will be like a bubble bursting.
 
Sitting here listening to way too much of John Mayer is not helping. I wish he'd ask me out or even just initiated the next conversation but he seems to have gone to sleep on me and I miss him so. Fuck! I haven't even met him.


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Diary

2020

April (1)
March (1)

2018

September (1)
January (1)

2017

November (5)
September (2)

2013

March (1)

2011

August (4)
July (1)