Sunset Impalement

Over the wheat fields lies a reason
Life slowly depleted from the setting sun
Skies tell stories of a sacrifice made in rage
Fury and no hesitation was taken at all
What an impalement, such a steady impalement
As the blood ran down the rusty pole and angels cried
For this young boy of only 16 had passed away
Family couldn't, friends couldn't, God couldn't help
These devastating means at all
The plains slowly show their remorse
The trees shed their means of joy
The sky can only show a darkened, leadened emotion
This impalement was in rage
This impalement was in animosity
This impalement was the only release
The only freedom to be achieved by someone not lost
But deprived of love on these very lands




Poetry by Coolaaron88 The PoetBay support member heart!
Read 1137 times
Written on 2006-12-22 at 21:51

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Mark Aikins
This is a good beginning to a great poem.

I think it could be improved with better punctuation and some paring down of word choices.

Also make sure to fix the misspelling of impalement in the title.

To say that a "god" with a small G couldn't help the boy is to be redundant. Only one with a capital G could do that, right?

Sorry, but god with a small G could mean anyone or anything. Just my thoughts.

The second part of the poem, from "The plains slowly show their remorse" to the end, is my favorite part. In fact, it could well stand on its own without the first half.

Blessings,

Mark
2006-12-31



I Love the last to lines. Great write, interesting inspiration, very artful, and symbolic picture.

~Kiva
2006-12-23

Texts




In Deep Thought
by Coolaaron88