I sometimes look back at the days,
When you'd throw me high in the sky,
I'd laugh hysterically,
Because I knew you'd catch me,
And here I am now,
Terrified of rollercoasters,
So scared to fall.

I wanted to be like you,
I looked up to you,
Now the thought of ending up like you,
Keeps me up at night.

At one point I could confide in you,
Now I'm scared of how,
You'll use that information against me,
I never knew when I became the enemy,
That moment sped by my eyes in a flash,
I gained an enemy but lost my Dad.

Those bottles you hid behind,
Became more important to you than us,
You thought they helped you forget,
But you cried every time you drank.

Sometimes I wonder,
If the monster was always inside you,
Or if he was born somewhere along the way,
If I could have stopped you from becoming him some way.

Despite the years of trauma you put me through,
Stripping me of my confidence,
Making me a joke in front of my friends,
You did what you could to pull me down,
Into the pit you were in,
You were so angry I climbed out,
Yet I still yearn for the better part of you,
That I knew once existed,
I wish you would have seeked help,
I wish you worked to make yourself better.

See I have problems too,
Very much like yours,
I've spent many nights wishing for death,
Only to wake up and pull myself together for another day,
I try to overcome them,
I have asked and gotten help,
I know you can too,
If only you'd get humble.

It's not easy I know,
It's scary I know,
You feel alone I know,
But isn't redemption the only way to go?

Poetry by Kshiti Dubey
Read 152 times
Written on 2022-07-18 at 14:25

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jim The PoetBay support member heart!
I relate to your very well written poem, Kshiti. It is a tough relationship and you've made it very real.