well this is something i wrote about a month ago when i was feeling down. im not feeling this way anymore but i decided to post this cuz on my other poetry site that im on (www.eliteskills.com) everyone else liked it. so comments please.:-)


All She Needed

She sat there
With a blank paper
Not sure how to let it out
Her anger, sadness, and guilt
And her fear
Was there a way to write it all out?
A way to lead her back to who she was before?
She still sat there
Tears filling her eyes
Why was she confused?
And lost inside?
She could only manage a few words
Slowly realized that these words
That these words
Were all that she needed
Then found it
Putting those words into phrases
And found that she wrote it
Wrote how she felt
Instead of thinking it
Even though her anger, sadness, and guilt
And fear
Were still there
She didn't feel as lost or confused
Noticing this was all she needed to be
Those words were all she needed
To write this



Poetry by Brenna
Read 836 times
Written on 2005-08-22 at 16:31

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Commentally Ill
all she needed......... was a good humping. :P ha.

all goofiness aside, i like it. and it's true that oftentimes, the only thing that can solve the problem is to get it out on paper.

c.i.
2005-08-23


True Words Embellished
Good enough, but not more. There's something missing, but I just can't put my finger on it...
2005-08-22


chasingtheday The PoetBay support member heart!
'With a blank paper' - i think this would read better if you inserted the words 'piece of' as at it stands it sounds like an unfinished line.



'She could only manage a few words
Slowly realized that these words
That these words'

these three lines - you overuse the word 'words' having it at the end of the lines. perhaps changing that to:

'She could only manage a few words
Slowly she realized that these
Were all that she needed'

a little later on in the poem too you repeat with the words.

a good poem, it just needs a little tidying up i feel.

sometimes the act of writing is all the help people need to feel better, a good message.
2005-08-22