When this picture was taken, I never would have thought that in just 2 years down the road my mom would be gone and a premature retirement and my life would drastically change.
Where did the time go?
Where did the time go?Starting out so slow,
Then slipping into the past
Now, when I look back
It seems it went by too fast!
I reflect back and it is hard to believe I was 55 in this picture. 2 and a half years later, at my mother's funeral, I sat with my then estranged spouse and family and still felt the spark that was always there but had gone into supression. By mother's day in 2012, we had full reconciliation and were back together again....this time for good, until death do we part. Saving our marriage was the right thing for us and I have been very happy about it ever since. No regrets. By September, we were heading west in our rv. We celebrated our marriage and had the honeymoon of a lifetime we never had when we started. We traveled the United States for 3 and a half years and got a very good assessment of her true condition and for the most part, it was an eye-opener and not good. But my fondest memory is walking with the deer herd on a trail at the bottom of the Grand Canyon where we spent 2 days exploring it. I have a hard time with dealing with death- especially my parents, especially my mother's. My brother, Grateful Dave, and I had endured 4 nights with little sleep after having brought her back to her home [where she wanted to be] after an unsuccessful spine surgery for a cancer tumor removal and convalescing in a rehabilitation facility. She had gone into a weird cyclic, non stop verbalization of saying "help me". We agreed she needed to be immediately evaluated and she was- and immediately admitted to hospice where she died a few days later. At my home, for the after the funeral gathering, someone asked if I might continue living at my mom's and I couldn't answer. I went into the back bedroom and went catatonic....and that's the last thing I remember. When I came out of this weird stupor, I was still standing up but everyone was gone....it felt so very weird. So yeah, I grieved by going on the journey [which I felt God was leading me to do and the feeling was so strong.] I don't doubt that I have suffered various aberrations of mental illness brought on by the stresses of this world. But I gave it to God to heal me and he did. The person I once was no longer exists. The person I am now is still evolving and as a follower of Christ, I see life now through a different lense with Christ being my foundation and focus. I have never regretted accepting the offer of salvation and a holy life.
So, what is still left? How much more will I witness before my turn comes? What is my purpose?
I don't think I have achieved it yet.
That questioning of purpose is now the focus of my prayers. And I do pray in generalities and specifics, for myself as well as for all mankind.
Diary by Clara Mae Gregory
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Written on 2026-07-14 at 15:02
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