Outcast From Self

Books tend to eat me alive...
Dreaming away, watching the birds sit down quietly upon the roof,
Disorderly behaviour and smack my fingers with a steel ruler,
Put me in a corner on my knees, hands high,
Laughter surrounded me, piercing my eardrums, pain made me cry,
Not the emotional aspect...
My foot trembles as I'm watching documantaries on the sofa,
Stings of electro-shocks, intestines tied into a knot, stomach hurt,
Body heats up like a crematorium oven, any second I can spontaneous combust,
Nothing will be left of silly ol' me, only ashes, blown away by the wind, dragged
into the open air, inhaled into windpipes,
Consumed by those who laughed at me,
They yelled at me while I was making a drawing, I did not hear them,
But they made me fear them, kicking my behind like it was a plastic football,
Sit still!!!!!! Listen to me when I'm talking to you!!!
Sure, you might be able to control me now, it's easy to bring down a child isn't it...
I'm easy to manipulate, and I payed the cost for that, a cost wich left the biggest open flesh wound on my lifeline,
Mentally I turned inside out, appearing as a normal young man,
The worms deep within my body feast on everything they can bite in,
Trying to make me explode, and they will succeed, but I manage to control it,
Who dares to live a life along my side? I know some....
My mother for instance, we're safe to say she's a strong woman, I brought her down, but she keeps getting up,
There are not many who saw the evil grin of me,
And that's good, I'm keeping it trapped, don't wan't it to come out anymore,
Like a castle freak locked up inside the dungeon,
Feeding it with possitive thoughts, but yet keeping it chained onto the fungus covered wet walls,
Screaming to let it out, but I plunge my morning staff into it's skull,
With success, it stays calm...
But what will happen if it breaks loose again??? Will I lose that what I cherish once again??
A destined failure I was meant to be....
All the cause of a physical handicap wich has no cure at all...
I cannot temper this any better as I'm doing now can I?
An apparition in the corner of my left eye!
Who's there????
Black spots fill the screen, spiders on the doorstep,
White birds pass me by, but no clear vision,
Reflections of a tall man appear from time to time,moving doorhandles,
Must be losing my mind,
Once I got tapped on my shoulder, looked up and saw nothing...
I bet it was just my hopes, of someone being with me, who's able to make me happy and laugh,
A person to lean on, to talk with, to love,
I'm all but prospective, rather see me dead really soon,
Affraid to turn old and grey??? No I'm not,
I have the feeling I've seen, heared,smelled, tasted and felt it all,
But I have yet to reach the top tho....
Waiting in despair, I gained new courage,
Wrapped up in a coat of rhinoskin, I deflect spears of conscious poachers,
Sweat dripping from every pore, draining my every energy,
Heartache, chest hurt, nervous twitch, shaking hands,
This is what I have to live with, to reach my goal and live happy....

Poetry by Catacomb Villain
Read 803 times
Written on 2006-12-26 at 17:10

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I love this one for it's honesty and for the way you can describe deep emotions.. a lot of us seem normal on the surface, while the inside is just rotten till the bones. At least you've got the willpower to fight your own demons even if it hurts, whereas others would just try to ignore them.. Thanks for sharing..
X, Yours - Francesca

Merry Christmas Cat. Another strong mother hear to tell you, you are doing just great. Loved this poem, you spewed it straight out and please believe me, but I am sure you know anyway, that by doing so, you are lifting your soul right out of the hell that worthless guilt and self hatred throws us into. One typo 'heard'. Keep writing, I look forward to reading much more. I lost my spontenaiety some time last year....I have to wait till I'm a pensioner to get it back now!lol Grinning at you, Tai