i had written this some time ago accounting and reliving the moments when my gr grand mother was ill and we had lost hope....so the title goes.. a tribute to her!


Voice of the Dying!

Famished for death to kiss my hand
Hey life I had enough!
Free me you benevolent soul
Spring on to some others

Spare me.. Have mercy!


I see people coming
Asking, to join them in peace
But let me struggle till my breath holds

I won't go until you mighty soul enter my home


The word has spread
That I am dead
My corpse lay in the backyard
Where I once controlled the chores
But who said I am no more
Why you think I have gone insane
Though I don't remember your name
I know I loved you once

And see I kiss your hand as before


You know my dear
I can still laugh
With my watch on my arm
What if I ask others "What time it is?"

But hey my kid...


There!!! ....do you see her

"Go away, you witch I am talking to my kid"

You are my niece aren't you!




Poetry by jasrick
Read 474 times
Written on 2007-03-17 at 19:14

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Individuality
Hey life I had enough! - here the flow is awkward, perhaps saying Hey life I've had enough!?

Spare me.. Have mercy! - ellispes, the dots used to show continuation of thought, three dots only.

Asking, to join them in peace - no need for a commas after the word asking for the rest of the line flows on smoothly from that word or would do if you did not have the pause by inserting the comma.

I won't go until you mighty soul enter my home - your mighty soul...

Language: 2
Format: 2
Overall: 3
Mood: 2
2007-03-17