Kasey needs to find her feeling after a drug overdose.
She wanted a friend. Anyone who could understand her. Form her blond hair to her black fingernails, she was misunderstood. She was an outcast. No one on this earth knew her, so how could anyone possibly love her?
She needed to meet someone who already knew her.
She could not divulge her life to anyone because she could not trust anyone. She knew she needed help. Maybe that was the worst part of all of this; Knowing she was screwed up. If she didn't know, maybe it wouldn't hurt so much. She wished she didn't know, but the fact was, that she did know, and that terrible reality pissed her off even more!
But, if she didn't know, then she would be like all of the others. Her mom and all of her dirt-bag flavors of the week. She would be like all of the other cutters, druggies, and sluts stalking this bedeviled world. They all seemed to be as happy as Kasey knew to be possible.
However, to the ones around her, she probably looked relatively happy too. She probably looked like she has learned to accept her life...But, despite that facade, she hasn't and knows that she will never accept this hell presented in the form of a life.
Kasey gasped as she dug the knife into her arm just deep enough to sever the shell her world had callused. The blade dug just deep enough to feel the pain-to feel something.
She released a shuttering, almost elated breath, loving the moment before the numbness set in.
Tears filled her eyes.-Eyes that have seen far to much.
Kasey sunk into her pillow and screamed.
She felt nothing. No tears. No pain. No life.
Angered, she whipped her body into a sitting position and clutched the knife tighter in her hand. Slicing it across her arm, she screamed because she couldn't feel it. She screamed so loud, that her throat scratched and gave out, but she didn't feel it.
Her breaths were shallow and loud. The air hardly graced her fiery lungs.
Kasey slammed the knife down and reached for the half-smoked, pack of cigarettes and a lighter on the table beside the bed that she was sitting on.
Her shaking hand pulled out a smoke and as she perched it between her lips, she worked very intently on igniting the lighter. "Damn piece of shit!" She screamed, realizing that she needed something stronger than a Marballo.
Kasey spit out the cigarette and went digging in her drawer for the right craved drug. Picking up the floor of the drawer to reveal her harder, illegal stash, she snatched up the waterpipe and the capsule of crack cocaine.
"Finally!" She hissed behind the pipe as she saw the lighter produce a glistening, yellow and red flame.
Even before the pipe was lit, Kasey was inhaling the capsule that brought her saving grace. This was tangible heaven. The closest thing to heaven Kasey knew she'd ever see.
She felt the euphoria immediately. She felt something that had far more power than she did. She liked that.
Kasey liked being the inferior because for most of her life, she knew she was far better than everyone around her.-Not that she was around many people, but the people that she was forced to be around, now more than ever, were definitely not anything she could live up to or strive to be like. She was already greater than they all were and will ever be.
Her Daddy, though, he was someone she could strive to be like. However, she deemed that impossible, so these drugs were the next best thing. This drug gave her something she really could live up to.
The only time she could feel, was when she was high. She wanted to be able to feel like this all of the time. She needed to feel like this, so that's what she strived for every moment of her Hell.
She inhaled deeply. Her mind rose higher.
Her mind rose above problems, above numbness, above life...
When Kasey awoke, she was not alone. There was a man staring at her.
"Shit. What happened?" She demanded.
"Good morning, Sunshine. Sleep well?"
"Who the hell are you?"
"Fine, thanks, how are you?" The man smiled and came closer. He was in his late twenties and if Kasey had her wits about her at all, she would have thought he was very hot. He was skinny with muscular arms, and blond, shaggy hair. He wore a hairless face and deep eyes that sort of reminded Kasey of warm chocolate.
"Who are you? Did we do business last night, cause, uh, I rarely do business in my house." Kasey sat up, her head pounding and the room was spinning. "Dammit." She said, holding her head.
As she did so, the man scoffed. "No!-And we're not about to!"
"Then, what are you doing here?" She demanded.
"Uh, I was sent here."
"What? By who? If you're looking for my mom, I don't have any idea where she is."
The man shook his head. "I'm not looking for your mom. Kasey, right?"
Kasey nodded.
"Hi. The name's Xan. I'm looking for you."
Kasey nodded slowly. "Okay. Excuse me." She went for her desk drawer.
"Can't. Flushed." He answered.
Kasey glowered up at him. "You flushed my shit?"
Xan shrugged. "They're not good for you."
"Like Hell!" She got up and moved toward the toilet.
"They're gone." Xan insisted.
Finding he was right, Kasey spun back toward him. "You're gonna pay for that!" She hissed. "Every fricken milligram!"
"I'm here to save you." He said simply.
"I don't need to be saved, so, just get back on your white horse, and go find a damsel that hasn't already gotten rid of her distress!"
Xan sighed. "Right. Are you really happy?"
"Of course! I am my own person! I can so whatever I want, whenever I want!"
"Yea. No one cares what time you're home, what you do for money, or what you ingest." Xan smirked. "Sounds like paradise." He nodded.
"Listen, I don't know who the hell you think you are, but you are going to get out of my room and out of my life right now!"
Xan shook his head. "I can't do that."
"Why not?"
"Because I can help you."
"I don't want your help!"
"Yes you do." He answered simply. "Anyone who thinks crack is stronger than themselves-better than themselves, wants help whether they admit it or not."
Kasey breathed a deep sigh. "Fine. You won't leave, I will." She turned toward the door.
"Kasey, do you want to die like this? You walk away from me, your gonna die. I am the only one keeping you from death right now."
"Screw you! Death doesn't scare me!" She laughed and turned toward him again. "Death is probably better than my life."
"Your life now, maybe, but the life toy can lead?" He looked at her meaningfully and shrugged slowly. "Do you really want to chance that?"
Kasey's humorless laugh was reduced to a chuckle. "My life can't be helped. My life is always going to be my hell."
"Yea. If you die now that is all your life is gonna become."
Despite herself, Kasey moved back toward him. "So what? You gonna help me?"
Xan nodded and held out his hand. "Yea. I'm gonna help you."
"How? What? You got some miracle drug? Some It's A Wonderful Life 101 crap?"
Xan laughed. "No. Just come on!"
Kasey liked his laugh. It gave her feeling. It gave her a good feeling. He was happy.
What else do you have to loose? Kasey thought as she moved toward him.
"Where do you want to go?"
"What?"
"Anywhere." Xan shrugged. "Where do you want to go?"
"Anywhere?"
"Yea."
"How?"
Xan sighed. "You're hanging between life and death right now, do you really think we have many bounds?"
"Okay." She said. "Could we go to...Paris? I love art and I've always wanted to go to the Louvre." Kasey half expected Xan to say that there was no way in hell, or heaven, or wherever she was, just to prove him wrong, but to her sheer and utter surprise, he smiled at her.
"Perfect." He said. "Close your eyes."
A moment later, she heard his voice, soft and content, in her ear. "Okay. Open them."
Kasey could not believe it. She was staring at the Mona Lisa! THE Mona Lisa! Her jaw dropped as she turned and found that she was indeed amongst guest of this historic museum.
She turned to Xan. "Oh, my God! You did it! I'm in the Louve! Oh, my God!" She felt excitement speed through her body. Excitement. He gave er excitement!
"So, you do believe in him." Xan passed under his breath.
However, Kasey was not listening. "I can't believe this!" Tears came to her eyes. Tears of joy. She felt them! She felt a different sort of happiness at that moment. She felt true happiness! Beautiful happiness! "Thank you!" She exclaimed and embraced him.
"Ah! Oh...uh, you're welcome. Uh, Kay?" He chuckled. "People can see us and...you know that, right?"
"I don't care! Thank you!-What did you just call me?" She looked up at him in amazement.
"Uh, sorry Kasey. I..."
"No. I like that. Kay...I like that!" Only her Daddy had ever caller her that and she remembered that now. Anyone else who ever called-even knew her name, it was Kasey.
Her street name was Hot-Ass, but that was a different story. She didn't like that name. Kay was a name she liked.
"Okay, then, Kay. That's what I'll call you."
Kasey smiled. "Cool."
With that, she released him and turned back to the art she loved; the art she had always wanted to see.
After her eyes hungrily observed every painting and sculpture left of exhibit from all of the greatest Roman, Greek, Egyptian, Mesopotamian, Islamic, and of course, French artists, Kasey and Xan decided to go eat in the glass pyramid. "Yea, this thing was built by an American, actually. I.M. Pei." Xan shrugged. "Umm! French cuisine! Lovely! Ever had it?"
"Does McDonald's count?"
"Oh, Mac-Dough?" He shook his head. "Not at all. I'm talking about real food."
"Oh. Okay."
Xan smirked and said, "Elle est belle musee, oui? Le Louve?"
Kasey turned toward him. "I said I loved art, not that I knew a word of French."
"D'accord! D'accord! J'ai desolea., mas-ami. Uh...tu-as tres tres belle."
"I don't know what the hell you're saying, Xan!" She was amused, despite herself.
"I said, it's a beautiful museum, yes? The Louve?-Okay, okay. I'm sorry my friend.-Then...I said...Uh...I said that you are very...very...you know what, I'm hungry." He quickened his pace.
"I'm what? Painfully screwed up?"
Xan shook his head. "No. They don't have that expression."
"Okay, then, I'm painfully fu-"
"No!" He replied quickly. "In that language, that means seal."
"The animal?"
Xan nodded. "So, no. I didn't say you were all seal-ed up."
Despite herself, Kasey laughed. Humor. Something Kasey had not had in a long, long time. It felt good. He made her feel good.
"Cause, Kay, you don't have to be." He looked at her with such seriousness striking as his tone that she stopped to stare back. "You have potential. You have a lot of potential."
Kasey looked at him seriously. "You think?"
Xan smiled warmly and nodded. "Defiantly."
At the restaurant, which was really a street corner café, the two of them ate crepes and drank what Kasey could only describe as a bowl of milk with a little bit of really, really strong coffee.
"So, you said you love art. Do you create any yourself?" Xan asked taking a sip of his milk with a little bit of coffee.
Kasey hesitated, but then nodded. "Yea. I do."
"Cool! What do you do?"
"I paint and I draw.-Sketch...yea."
"Can I see?"
"What?" Kasey demanded.
Her rough tone caught Xan off guard. "I want to see what you do.-If you want to show me." He spoke cautiously.
Kasey had never shown anyone her pieces. She was afraid of rejection. Her art was the only thing she'd ever produced that meant anything.
Her art, just art in general was the only thing that made her feel special, unique. Her art was her purity. Her art and her feelings were the only things that only her Daddy saw. No one else had ever seen it. It was still pure. She feels through her pieces. She could not...
She looked up at him. He was staring at her with very welcoming, soft, almost loving eyes. He was looking at her with respect. He looked at her like he knew her.-Really and truly knew her.
She for some reason wanted him to really and truly know her. She suddenly wanted him to love her. He works were the best way to properly introduce herself.
"Okay..." She inhaled deeply and for once, was very thankful that there was not a puff of a drug was not following her inhale, ready to infest her lungs. "I guess."
Xan smiled at her. "Thank you." He was quiet for a moment, but then spoke with reservation. "You know, I want to tell you something, Kay." He fidgeted in his seat.
"What is it, Xan?" Kasey asked, inching across the table towards him.
He then got very nervous. "Uh...well, I know what you...I used to be...When you die..." He took a deep breath, let it out, and then stated very simply, "When you die, you don't feel anything, Kay."
Kasey doubled back. "What? What do you mean? How do you know that?"
"Cause...I did-but I'm not now!" He passed quickly. He took another deep breath. "It was a drug overdose, but I was revived. I was saved. I went back to school and became something I never thought I could. I became a doctor. I now specialize in this kinda stuff.-But, uh, I've never met someone like you before, Kay. You remind me of...well, me.-Well, not the girl part, but the life is Hell part. You know. If you pull through, you will be great." He gave a boosting chortle. "You could be a great artist. I feel honored that you're letting me see your work."
Kasey felt her cheeks get hot. Am I actually blushing? She thought, but let herself feel the blush. She felt the blush intently. She liked it. "Come on! Let's go! I want to show you my stuff."
Xan put some European money on the table and then he told Kasey to close her eyes.
"Okay. We're back." Xan said to Kasey.
Kasey opened her eyes and went for the mattress.
She pulled apart the two sides of the slit in it and dug deep until she found her sketch pads.
Xan sat on her bed next to her as she handed him her paintings and drawings, her hands shaking.
As he took the pad with one hand, he covered Kasey's lightly with the other.
Xan's hand felt warm and comforting. "Kay, if you don't want me to..."
"No!" She insisted. "I really do...want you to. I promise! Please!"
"You sure?"
Kasey smiled weakly, dropped her sketch pads into his hand and turned her hand to hold his, which strangely gave her the strength to say, "Yes. I'm sure."
Xan smiled softly back at her. "Thank you." He took back his hand and carefully turned the cover page of the pad on top.
Kasey bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut, so that she would not see his initial reaction.
"Oh, my God!" He gasped.
"Terrible?"
"Terribly beautiful! Oh my God! This is...great!"
Slowly Kasey opened her eyes and looked down at the picture Xan was looking at.
Kasey smiled.
"Was this here?"
"Yea. Last year. Right out that window." Kasey nodded toward the now boarded up window. She had to cover it after she got really violent while she was on one of her trips and broke it with her fist. It was a shame. The window was shattered and so the nice view she had gotten from it was no longer available. It was either the view or safety from the elements.
In that particular picture, the ground was covered with a coat of fresh snow. Real snow-not cocaine. The wind had swept the white beauty up against the fence, the neighbor's fence, and the old shed Kasey's Daddy had put up before he was killed in a car accident. The shed was old and probably infested with everything under the sun now, but it was still beautiful to Kasey. What she remembered of her Daddy lives on in that old shed. Kasey did not see any mold, any decay, or any age in that old shed.
Sometimes, when she was smaller, especially right after her Daddy died, when she was seven, she would sleep out there and spend all night remembering him.
Kasey would reminisce about how he would bring her in there, set her down on his workbench, and let her help him build things. The sights and the smells brought her back to a world she knew. A world that was shattered with one chime of a doorbell.
In this particular picture, a blue-jay was perched on the fence and the light in the shed was on.
When the light was on, her Daddy was working there.
Kasey was high when she painted it, so there probably wasn't a blue-jay on the fence, and she knows the light hadn't been on. The power was cut from there years ago.
She remembered painting this, but nothing else until the next morning when she woke up on the floor of that shed.
Still, the paintings evoked feelings of a better life. All of her paintings did,
"It's beautiful!" Xan exclaimed. "I love it!"
Kasey blushed again. "Thank you." It was now that she realized why she liked Xan.
Xan reminded Kasey of her Daddy. He acted a lot like him and he encouraged her paintings.
When she was little, she would paint dinky, stupid things, which she was very proud of at the time, and she would give them to her Daddy.
Her Daddy would always take them and tell her,
"A young Divinchii. I swear to God." As Xan spoke, Kasey's head snapped up.
"What?" She demanded.
"I said, you're a young Divincii. This is really good!"
Kasey chuckled nervously as tears came to her eyes.
"What's the matter?" Xan tilted his head, his voice tinted with worry. "Kay?"
"I love you." Kasey said suddenly. She had not meant to, but when her jaw dropped, those were the words that fell out.
Without thinking, Kasey reached out, threw her arms around Xan's neck, and pressed her lips up against his.
Xan wrapped his arms around her and returned the kiss. He held her close and fell deeper into the kiss.
No drug could ever give her the euphoric feeling that raced through her veins at that moment.
She had kissed a lot of people. Sometimes, she had kissed them tastefully, and sometimes she had kissed them raunchily to get a paycheck, but she had never got this feeling before. Every part of her was alive!-More alive then they had ever been! She could feel everything! The calluses seemed to melt off her and her heart fluttered.
Her stomach was tickled and her heart beat fast. All Kasey wanted to do was get closer to him. She wanted to be as close as she could possibly get.
When they both fell back onto the bed and started to undress, she for once, want to do this. She needed to do this. She was not just going through the motions of having sex. She loved the feeling welling up inside her that just kept getting stronger, clearer, better, fresher, purer!
After they had made the best love she had ever thought, no, far better then she had ever thought it was possible to make, she lay in his arms, totally and utterly content. She, for once in her life was able to feel everything.
"I love you, Kay." He whispered, pulling her closer to him.
Feeling his love ultimately, without anything but emotion, she replied, "I love you too, Xan!"
"You stupid bitch!" Kasey heard her mom scream. "Why the hell would you do this to me? Your own mother!"
"Mom?" Kasey said, trying to wake up all the way.
"Don't you Mom me you little drugged-up freak!"
Kasey opened her eyes and saw her mom red-faced and glaring at her. "Mom, I'm sorry!"
"I have missed to dates and a manicure for you, you little..."
"Well, maybe if you missed a little more for her, she wouldn't be here." A familiar voice came from behind Kasey's mom.
Kasey looked up with surprise while her mom spun around with fury.
"Oh, Doctor, you are going to protect this little whore?" Her mom exclaimed, outraged.
"Mom!"
"Mrs. Cort!" Xan hissed, narrowing his eyes.
"Well, she is!"
"Well, did you ever think you are to blame? I dunno, maybe you could miss a hair appointment in order to talk to your daughter about her life!"
"She's been to far gone from me for to many years to ever be able to talk to her!"
"You shoulda chased after her when you had the chance to.-Doesn't seem like your to eager now either! Maybe she's never been to far. Ever think of that?"
"You don't know what hell this little brat has caused me!"
"Mother!" Kasey screamed so loud, that it startled both her mom and Xan. Her throat scratched and she felt it! "If I cause you so much damn trouble, than leave me! I'll be better off without you!"
Her mom turned toward her daughter and screamed, "Don't you dare speak to me like that!" She raised her hand against her and Kasey flinched.
Xan grabbed her mom's hand and yelled, "Get out! Get out of this hospital! I fear for your daughter's well-being! Get out!"
For the first time since Kasey's Daddy's death, her mom was stunned to silence and quite possibly felt something relatively close to earthly parenting.
Xan released her wrist and Kasey's mom's hand covered her mouth and shuddered.
Tears came to her eyes and she stared at Kasey with pain stinging her suddenly bloodshot eyes. "My Kasey..." She whispered. "What have I done to my Kasey..." She sniffled, turned, and ran out.
When she was gone, Xan looked at Kasey with an apology in his eyes. "I'm really sorry. It's just, I know how hard it can be too..."
Kasey hushed him by saying, "No! It's fine. I wanted her to go! Thank you."
Xan nodded. "If she doesn't come back...even if she does...your treatment is on the house as long as you quit everything."
Kasey eagerly nodded, "I will, Doctor, I promise."
"Call me Xan. Please."
Kasey nodded. "So, you're my doctor, huh?"
"Yea." Xan nodded. "I wasn't sure about you for a while. I figured you'd make it, but I have to admit, I was a little scared." Xan gave a short laugh.
Kasey remembered the laugh. He was definitely her Xan. Kasey smiled gratefully. "You did it, Xan. You saved me."
"Couldn't have done it without you. You've got potential, Kasey!"
"Please, Xan, call me Kay."
Xan nodded. "Will do, Kay." He smiled at her and her heart beat fast.
"Hey, Xan?" Kasey said.
"Yea?"
"This may or may not make sense, but..." she took a deep breath, "I know yo...and I love you." She bit her lip, as though wanting to take back the comment.
Xan did not reply for a moment. He studied her. Finally, he asked, "Do you have any interest in art?"
She smiled. "Yes. I love art."
"I'd like to see some of your art."
"I'd be honored."
Xan smirked. "Thank you."
After a moment, Xan said, "Hey, I'll be back. I have some other patience I need to tend to. Sit tight. I'll be back as soon as I can."
Kasey nodded, but as he reached the door, she called after him. "Xan?"
He turned. "Yea?"
"Tu-as tres, tres, belle, means you are very, very beautiful, doesn't it?"
Xan smiled and nodded knowingly. "Yes, Kay, it does. And yes, you are, tres, tres, belle!" He went to go out, but turned once again and said, "Oh, and...I'm not sure where I know you from, but..." He closed the door and came back over to her. "I love you too!" He leaned down and waited for Kasey to make the next move.
Without hesitation, Kasey through her arms around his neck and then...she kissed him.
Short story by Brielle Guesstell
Read 818 times
Written on 2007-06-26 at 15:05
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No Life Looked After By An Angel's Eyes
Kasey was alone. Kasey was always alone. Even when others surrounded her tortured being, she was still very alone. However, tonight, she was physically the only one in the small apartment she rented with her mom and...John...or was it Joe?-It didn't matter. He would be gone in a few days, maybe a week, and then she would have a new sleazy ass to contend with.She wanted a friend. Anyone who could understand her. Form her blond hair to her black fingernails, she was misunderstood. She was an outcast. No one on this earth knew her, so how could anyone possibly love her?
She needed to meet someone who already knew her.
She could not divulge her life to anyone because she could not trust anyone. She knew she needed help. Maybe that was the worst part of all of this; Knowing she was screwed up. If she didn't know, maybe it wouldn't hurt so much. She wished she didn't know, but the fact was, that she did know, and that terrible reality pissed her off even more!
But, if she didn't know, then she would be like all of the others. Her mom and all of her dirt-bag flavors of the week. She would be like all of the other cutters, druggies, and sluts stalking this bedeviled world. They all seemed to be as happy as Kasey knew to be possible.
However, to the ones around her, she probably looked relatively happy too. She probably looked like she has learned to accept her life...But, despite that facade, she hasn't and knows that she will never accept this hell presented in the form of a life.
Kasey gasped as she dug the knife into her arm just deep enough to sever the shell her world had callused. The blade dug just deep enough to feel the pain-to feel something.
She released a shuttering, almost elated breath, loving the moment before the numbness set in.
Tears filled her eyes.-Eyes that have seen far to much.
Kasey sunk into her pillow and screamed.
She felt nothing. No tears. No pain. No life.
Angered, she whipped her body into a sitting position and clutched the knife tighter in her hand. Slicing it across her arm, she screamed because she couldn't feel it. She screamed so loud, that her throat scratched and gave out, but she didn't feel it.
Her breaths were shallow and loud. The air hardly graced her fiery lungs.
Kasey slammed the knife down and reached for the half-smoked, pack of cigarettes and a lighter on the table beside the bed that she was sitting on.
Her shaking hand pulled out a smoke and as she perched it between her lips, she worked very intently on igniting the lighter. "Damn piece of shit!" She screamed, realizing that she needed something stronger than a Marballo.
Kasey spit out the cigarette and went digging in her drawer for the right craved drug. Picking up the floor of the drawer to reveal her harder, illegal stash, she snatched up the waterpipe and the capsule of crack cocaine.
"Finally!" She hissed behind the pipe as she saw the lighter produce a glistening, yellow and red flame.
Even before the pipe was lit, Kasey was inhaling the capsule that brought her saving grace. This was tangible heaven. The closest thing to heaven Kasey knew she'd ever see.
She felt the euphoria immediately. She felt something that had far more power than she did. She liked that.
Kasey liked being the inferior because for most of her life, she knew she was far better than everyone around her.-Not that she was around many people, but the people that she was forced to be around, now more than ever, were definitely not anything she could live up to or strive to be like. She was already greater than they all were and will ever be.
Her Daddy, though, he was someone she could strive to be like. However, she deemed that impossible, so these drugs were the next best thing. This drug gave her something she really could live up to.
The only time she could feel, was when she was high. She wanted to be able to feel like this all of the time. She needed to feel like this, so that's what she strived for every moment of her Hell.
She inhaled deeply. Her mind rose higher.
Her mind rose above problems, above numbness, above life...
When Kasey awoke, she was not alone. There was a man staring at her.
"Shit. What happened?" She demanded.
"Good morning, Sunshine. Sleep well?"
"Who the hell are you?"
"Fine, thanks, how are you?" The man smiled and came closer. He was in his late twenties and if Kasey had her wits about her at all, she would have thought he was very hot. He was skinny with muscular arms, and blond, shaggy hair. He wore a hairless face and deep eyes that sort of reminded Kasey of warm chocolate.
"Who are you? Did we do business last night, cause, uh, I rarely do business in my house." Kasey sat up, her head pounding and the room was spinning. "Dammit." She said, holding her head.
As she did so, the man scoffed. "No!-And we're not about to!"
"Then, what are you doing here?" She demanded.
"Uh, I was sent here."
"What? By who? If you're looking for my mom, I don't have any idea where she is."
The man shook his head. "I'm not looking for your mom. Kasey, right?"
Kasey nodded.
"Hi. The name's Xan. I'm looking for you."
Kasey nodded slowly. "Okay. Excuse me." She went for her desk drawer.
"Can't. Flushed." He answered.
Kasey glowered up at him. "You flushed my shit?"
Xan shrugged. "They're not good for you."
"Like Hell!" She got up and moved toward the toilet.
"They're gone." Xan insisted.
Finding he was right, Kasey spun back toward him. "You're gonna pay for that!" She hissed. "Every fricken milligram!"
"I'm here to save you." He said simply.
"I don't need to be saved, so, just get back on your white horse, and go find a damsel that hasn't already gotten rid of her distress!"
Xan sighed. "Right. Are you really happy?"
"Of course! I am my own person! I can so whatever I want, whenever I want!"
"Yea. No one cares what time you're home, what you do for money, or what you ingest." Xan smirked. "Sounds like paradise." He nodded.
"Listen, I don't know who the hell you think you are, but you are going to get out of my room and out of my life right now!"
Xan shook his head. "I can't do that."
"Why not?"
"Because I can help you."
"I don't want your help!"
"Yes you do." He answered simply. "Anyone who thinks crack is stronger than themselves-better than themselves, wants help whether they admit it or not."
Kasey breathed a deep sigh. "Fine. You won't leave, I will." She turned toward the door.
"Kasey, do you want to die like this? You walk away from me, your gonna die. I am the only one keeping you from death right now."
"Screw you! Death doesn't scare me!" She laughed and turned toward him again. "Death is probably better than my life."
"Your life now, maybe, but the life toy can lead?" He looked at her meaningfully and shrugged slowly. "Do you really want to chance that?"
Kasey's humorless laugh was reduced to a chuckle. "My life can't be helped. My life is always going to be my hell."
"Yea. If you die now that is all your life is gonna become."
Despite herself, Kasey moved back toward him. "So what? You gonna help me?"
Xan nodded and held out his hand. "Yea. I'm gonna help you."
"How? What? You got some miracle drug? Some It's A Wonderful Life 101 crap?"
Xan laughed. "No. Just come on!"
Kasey liked his laugh. It gave her feeling. It gave her a good feeling. He was happy.
What else do you have to loose? Kasey thought as she moved toward him.
"Where do you want to go?"
"What?"
"Anywhere." Xan shrugged. "Where do you want to go?"
"Anywhere?"
"Yea."
"How?"
Xan sighed. "You're hanging between life and death right now, do you really think we have many bounds?"
"Okay." She said. "Could we go to...Paris? I love art and I've always wanted to go to the Louvre." Kasey half expected Xan to say that there was no way in hell, or heaven, or wherever she was, just to prove him wrong, but to her sheer and utter surprise, he smiled at her.
"Perfect." He said. "Close your eyes."
A moment later, she heard his voice, soft and content, in her ear. "Okay. Open them."
Kasey could not believe it. She was staring at the Mona Lisa! THE Mona Lisa! Her jaw dropped as she turned and found that she was indeed amongst guest of this historic museum.
She turned to Xan. "Oh, my God! You did it! I'm in the Louve! Oh, my God!" She felt excitement speed through her body. Excitement. He gave er excitement!
"So, you do believe in him." Xan passed under his breath.
However, Kasey was not listening. "I can't believe this!" Tears came to her eyes. Tears of joy. She felt them! She felt a different sort of happiness at that moment. She felt true happiness! Beautiful happiness! "Thank you!" She exclaimed and embraced him.
"Ah! Oh...uh, you're welcome. Uh, Kay?" He chuckled. "People can see us and...you know that, right?"
"I don't care! Thank you!-What did you just call me?" She looked up at him in amazement.
"Uh, sorry Kasey. I..."
"No. I like that. Kay...I like that!" Only her Daddy had ever caller her that and she remembered that now. Anyone else who ever called-even knew her name, it was Kasey.
Her street name was Hot-Ass, but that was a different story. She didn't like that name. Kay was a name she liked.
"Okay, then, Kay. That's what I'll call you."
Kasey smiled. "Cool."
With that, she released him and turned back to the art she loved; the art she had always wanted to see.
After her eyes hungrily observed every painting and sculpture left of exhibit from all of the greatest Roman, Greek, Egyptian, Mesopotamian, Islamic, and of course, French artists, Kasey and Xan decided to go eat in the glass pyramid. "Yea, this thing was built by an American, actually. I.M. Pei." Xan shrugged. "Umm! French cuisine! Lovely! Ever had it?"
"Does McDonald's count?"
"Oh, Mac-Dough?" He shook his head. "Not at all. I'm talking about real food."
"Oh. Okay."
Xan smirked and said, "Elle est belle musee, oui? Le Louve?"
Kasey turned toward him. "I said I loved art, not that I knew a word of French."
"D'accord! D'accord! J'ai desolea., mas-ami. Uh...tu-as tres tres belle."
"I don't know what the hell you're saying, Xan!" She was amused, despite herself.
"I said, it's a beautiful museum, yes? The Louve?-Okay, okay. I'm sorry my friend.-Then...I said...Uh...I said that you are very...very...you know what, I'm hungry." He quickened his pace.
"I'm what? Painfully screwed up?"
Xan shook his head. "No. They don't have that expression."
"Okay, then, I'm painfully fu-"
"No!" He replied quickly. "In that language, that means seal."
"The animal?"
Xan nodded. "So, no. I didn't say you were all seal-ed up."
Despite herself, Kasey laughed. Humor. Something Kasey had not had in a long, long time. It felt good. He made her feel good.
"Cause, Kay, you don't have to be." He looked at her with such seriousness striking as his tone that she stopped to stare back. "You have potential. You have a lot of potential."
Kasey looked at him seriously. "You think?"
Xan smiled warmly and nodded. "Defiantly."
At the restaurant, which was really a street corner café, the two of them ate crepes and drank what Kasey could only describe as a bowl of milk with a little bit of really, really strong coffee.
"So, you said you love art. Do you create any yourself?" Xan asked taking a sip of his milk with a little bit of coffee.
Kasey hesitated, but then nodded. "Yea. I do."
"Cool! What do you do?"
"I paint and I draw.-Sketch...yea."
"Can I see?"
"What?" Kasey demanded.
Her rough tone caught Xan off guard. "I want to see what you do.-If you want to show me." He spoke cautiously.
Kasey had never shown anyone her pieces. She was afraid of rejection. Her art was the only thing she'd ever produced that meant anything.
Her art, just art in general was the only thing that made her feel special, unique. Her art was her purity. Her art and her feelings were the only things that only her Daddy saw. No one else had ever seen it. It was still pure. She feels through her pieces. She could not...
She looked up at him. He was staring at her with very welcoming, soft, almost loving eyes. He was looking at her with respect. He looked at her like he knew her.-Really and truly knew her.
She for some reason wanted him to really and truly know her. She suddenly wanted him to love her. He works were the best way to properly introduce herself.
"Okay..." She inhaled deeply and for once, was very thankful that there was not a puff of a drug was not following her inhale, ready to infest her lungs. "I guess."
Xan smiled at her. "Thank you." He was quiet for a moment, but then spoke with reservation. "You know, I want to tell you something, Kay." He fidgeted in his seat.
"What is it, Xan?" Kasey asked, inching across the table towards him.
He then got very nervous. "Uh...well, I know what you...I used to be...When you die..." He took a deep breath, let it out, and then stated very simply, "When you die, you don't feel anything, Kay."
Kasey doubled back. "What? What do you mean? How do you know that?"
"Cause...I did-but I'm not now!" He passed quickly. He took another deep breath. "It was a drug overdose, but I was revived. I was saved. I went back to school and became something I never thought I could. I became a doctor. I now specialize in this kinda stuff.-But, uh, I've never met someone like you before, Kay. You remind me of...well, me.-Well, not the girl part, but the life is Hell part. You know. If you pull through, you will be great." He gave a boosting chortle. "You could be a great artist. I feel honored that you're letting me see your work."
Kasey felt her cheeks get hot. Am I actually blushing? She thought, but let herself feel the blush. She felt the blush intently. She liked it. "Come on! Let's go! I want to show you my stuff."
Xan put some European money on the table and then he told Kasey to close her eyes.
"Okay. We're back." Xan said to Kasey.
Kasey opened her eyes and went for the mattress.
She pulled apart the two sides of the slit in it and dug deep until she found her sketch pads.
Xan sat on her bed next to her as she handed him her paintings and drawings, her hands shaking.
As he took the pad with one hand, he covered Kasey's lightly with the other.
Xan's hand felt warm and comforting. "Kay, if you don't want me to..."
"No!" She insisted. "I really do...want you to. I promise! Please!"
"You sure?"
Kasey smiled weakly, dropped her sketch pads into his hand and turned her hand to hold his, which strangely gave her the strength to say, "Yes. I'm sure."
Xan smiled softly back at her. "Thank you." He took back his hand and carefully turned the cover page of the pad on top.
Kasey bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut, so that she would not see his initial reaction.
"Oh, my God!" He gasped.
"Terrible?"
"Terribly beautiful! Oh my God! This is...great!"
Slowly Kasey opened her eyes and looked down at the picture Xan was looking at.
Kasey smiled.
"Was this here?"
"Yea. Last year. Right out that window." Kasey nodded toward the now boarded up window. She had to cover it after she got really violent while she was on one of her trips and broke it with her fist. It was a shame. The window was shattered and so the nice view she had gotten from it was no longer available. It was either the view or safety from the elements.
In that particular picture, the ground was covered with a coat of fresh snow. Real snow-not cocaine. The wind had swept the white beauty up against the fence, the neighbor's fence, and the old shed Kasey's Daddy had put up before he was killed in a car accident. The shed was old and probably infested with everything under the sun now, but it was still beautiful to Kasey. What she remembered of her Daddy lives on in that old shed. Kasey did not see any mold, any decay, or any age in that old shed.
Sometimes, when she was smaller, especially right after her Daddy died, when she was seven, she would sleep out there and spend all night remembering him.
Kasey would reminisce about how he would bring her in there, set her down on his workbench, and let her help him build things. The sights and the smells brought her back to a world she knew. A world that was shattered with one chime of a doorbell.
In this particular picture, a blue-jay was perched on the fence and the light in the shed was on.
When the light was on, her Daddy was working there.
Kasey was high when she painted it, so there probably wasn't a blue-jay on the fence, and she knows the light hadn't been on. The power was cut from there years ago.
She remembered painting this, but nothing else until the next morning when she woke up on the floor of that shed.
Still, the paintings evoked feelings of a better life. All of her paintings did,
"It's beautiful!" Xan exclaimed. "I love it!"
Kasey blushed again. "Thank you." It was now that she realized why she liked Xan.
Xan reminded Kasey of her Daddy. He acted a lot like him and he encouraged her paintings.
When she was little, she would paint dinky, stupid things, which she was very proud of at the time, and she would give them to her Daddy.
Her Daddy would always take them and tell her,
"A young Divinchii. I swear to God." As Xan spoke, Kasey's head snapped up.
"What?" She demanded.
"I said, you're a young Divincii. This is really good!"
Kasey chuckled nervously as tears came to her eyes.
"What's the matter?" Xan tilted his head, his voice tinted with worry. "Kay?"
"I love you." Kasey said suddenly. She had not meant to, but when her jaw dropped, those were the words that fell out.
Without thinking, Kasey reached out, threw her arms around Xan's neck, and pressed her lips up against his.
Xan wrapped his arms around her and returned the kiss. He held her close and fell deeper into the kiss.
No drug could ever give her the euphoric feeling that raced through her veins at that moment.
She had kissed a lot of people. Sometimes, she had kissed them tastefully, and sometimes she had kissed them raunchily to get a paycheck, but she had never got this feeling before. Every part of her was alive!-More alive then they had ever been! She could feel everything! The calluses seemed to melt off her and her heart fluttered.
Her stomach was tickled and her heart beat fast. All Kasey wanted to do was get closer to him. She wanted to be as close as she could possibly get.
When they both fell back onto the bed and started to undress, she for once, want to do this. She needed to do this. She was not just going through the motions of having sex. She loved the feeling welling up inside her that just kept getting stronger, clearer, better, fresher, purer!
After they had made the best love she had ever thought, no, far better then she had ever thought it was possible to make, she lay in his arms, totally and utterly content. She, for once in her life was able to feel everything.
"I love you, Kay." He whispered, pulling her closer to him.
Feeling his love ultimately, without anything but emotion, she replied, "I love you too, Xan!"
"You stupid bitch!" Kasey heard her mom scream. "Why the hell would you do this to me? Your own mother!"
"Mom?" Kasey said, trying to wake up all the way.
"Don't you Mom me you little drugged-up freak!"
Kasey opened her eyes and saw her mom red-faced and glaring at her. "Mom, I'm sorry!"
"I have missed to dates and a manicure for you, you little..."
"Well, maybe if you missed a little more for her, she wouldn't be here." A familiar voice came from behind Kasey's mom.
Kasey looked up with surprise while her mom spun around with fury.
"Oh, Doctor, you are going to protect this little whore?" Her mom exclaimed, outraged.
"Mom!"
"Mrs. Cort!" Xan hissed, narrowing his eyes.
"Well, she is!"
"Well, did you ever think you are to blame? I dunno, maybe you could miss a hair appointment in order to talk to your daughter about her life!"
"She's been to far gone from me for to many years to ever be able to talk to her!"
"You shoulda chased after her when you had the chance to.-Doesn't seem like your to eager now either! Maybe she's never been to far. Ever think of that?"
"You don't know what hell this little brat has caused me!"
"Mother!" Kasey screamed so loud, that it startled both her mom and Xan. Her throat scratched and she felt it! "If I cause you so much damn trouble, than leave me! I'll be better off without you!"
Her mom turned toward her daughter and screamed, "Don't you dare speak to me like that!" She raised her hand against her and Kasey flinched.
Xan grabbed her mom's hand and yelled, "Get out! Get out of this hospital! I fear for your daughter's well-being! Get out!"
For the first time since Kasey's Daddy's death, her mom was stunned to silence and quite possibly felt something relatively close to earthly parenting.
Xan released her wrist and Kasey's mom's hand covered her mouth and shuddered.
Tears came to her eyes and she stared at Kasey with pain stinging her suddenly bloodshot eyes. "My Kasey..." She whispered. "What have I done to my Kasey..." She sniffled, turned, and ran out.
When she was gone, Xan looked at Kasey with an apology in his eyes. "I'm really sorry. It's just, I know how hard it can be too..."
Kasey hushed him by saying, "No! It's fine. I wanted her to go! Thank you."
Xan nodded. "If she doesn't come back...even if she does...your treatment is on the house as long as you quit everything."
Kasey eagerly nodded, "I will, Doctor, I promise."
"Call me Xan. Please."
Kasey nodded. "So, you're my doctor, huh?"
"Yea." Xan nodded. "I wasn't sure about you for a while. I figured you'd make it, but I have to admit, I was a little scared." Xan gave a short laugh.
Kasey remembered the laugh. He was definitely her Xan. Kasey smiled gratefully. "You did it, Xan. You saved me."
"Couldn't have done it without you. You've got potential, Kasey!"
"Please, Xan, call me Kay."
Xan nodded. "Will do, Kay." He smiled at her and her heart beat fast.
"Hey, Xan?" Kasey said.
"Yea?"
"This may or may not make sense, but..." she took a deep breath, "I know yo...and I love you." She bit her lip, as though wanting to take back the comment.
Xan did not reply for a moment. He studied her. Finally, he asked, "Do you have any interest in art?"
She smiled. "Yes. I love art."
"I'd like to see some of your art."
"I'd be honored."
Xan smirked. "Thank you."
After a moment, Xan said, "Hey, I'll be back. I have some other patience I need to tend to. Sit tight. I'll be back as soon as I can."
Kasey nodded, but as he reached the door, she called after him. "Xan?"
He turned. "Yea?"
"Tu-as tres, tres, belle, means you are very, very beautiful, doesn't it?"
Xan smiled and nodded knowingly. "Yes, Kay, it does. And yes, you are, tres, tres, belle!" He went to go out, but turned once again and said, "Oh, and...I'm not sure where I know you from, but..." He closed the door and came back over to her. "I love you too!" He leaned down and waited for Kasey to make the next move.
Without hesitation, Kasey through her arms around his neck and then...she kissed him.
Short story by Brielle Guesstell
Read 818 times
Written on 2007-06-26 at 15:05
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