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1 month and 19 days

I write
1 month and 19 days
on the whiteboard on your office door

To hold on to reality,
to escape the urge to start from zero
I count,
desperately holding on

And a week passes

I try to convince myself
that time also heals self-inflicted wounds
but
one single error,
a slight sidestep,
brings panic
to every cell of my body
and again
I can think of only one way to make it right

When daylight fades
into gray shadows
and darkness falls
I rush to close the doors between me and the world

Excited, scared, calm and stressed
my hands shake
when finally holding the blade

As soon as metal caresses my skin
I breathe again
My mind seems to clear for a second

I watch the skin part
and white bubbles
I thought for fiction
appear before me

Panic returns
Thoughts I can barely make out
rushing through my head
What if it was too deep?

I force myself
to reach out
You come
to make sure I am alive,
which I, indeed, am

Please, no more tonight,
you say
and leave me alone with the silence



Poetry by kristallkross
Read 678 times
Written on 2007-10-14 at 00:39

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Kathy Lockhart
oh the deep emotional pain written so vividly leaves me hurting for the one who is so desperately seeking help. Well done.
2007-10-14