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Miss. Love. Sorry. Too much.

Dear Pearl--

i was eight years old
when i first met you

you were five months

across species, that made us about the same age

i remember how you used to tackle me in the grass
how we would wrestle
i never needed brothers - i had you

we were best friends
i fed you scraps i didn't want under the table
and didn't tell when you broke things

--which you did all the time

one day my parents found you
sleeping on the back deck
surrounded by the wreckage of a flower pot

and all they could do was take a picture
because you had the biggest smile in the world on your face

you could always tell when one of us was hurting
whenever you heard me crying, you would come running
and sit by me, and put your paw on my hand

and no matter what was wrong i felt better
less alone

eventually you got really fat
and then you made the best pillow ever

during sleepovers my friends all fought
over who got to sleep next to you

and whenever someone had a migraine all she had to do
was rest her head on your soft flank for a minute
and she felt better

like magic

but as you got older you started getting paranoid
as if your days on the streets were coming back to haunt you

and you always had to reach your paw out
and put it on whoever was closest
insisting that we keep in contact with you

asking for reassurance that we loved you

my mother never really had any patience for you then
when you started to cry she got tense and irritated

my dad tried not to get angry, but even he would yell

i tried to make things better
i would stroke your head, your paws
but you still whimpered

eventually even i lost my patience

i can't tell you how sorry i am for that now

now you're gone, and it hurts so much
that i never got to say goodbye

more painful is the knowledge that before
whenever things hurt like this
i could hug you tight and you made everything better

but now i can't

i would give almost anything
for you to be here with me right now

and reach out
and put your paw on my hand

because now that you're gone i realize how alone i am

dear pearl--
friend, partner, defender, dog--

i love you
i miss you
god bless you

be at peace

Words by Sun.Moon.Stars.Rain
Read 871 times
Written on 2010-10-28 at 02:36