I'm sort of new at this...so, any critique will be much appreciated.. :)


Houdini Heartbreak

Mornings are greeted with already wet cheeks
Nights are put to sleep the same
And there's the pain
That constant pain
Sitting (un)pretty in the centre of her chest
Palpitating
Throbbing
Roaring
Sometimes, deceptively calm

All it takes is that tiny yellow envelope
'1 New Message'
And her heart breaks into a dance
It prances
And twirls
And swirls
And everything rhymes
But only for an instant
Just an instant
Before he disappears
Again
Always
Not even a smile to remember him by

Those three little words

[Je t'aime, ma princesse]

Keep her tied
She can't let go
Oh what a cruel, cruel lover
Who is she
How is she
Anything
Anything at all
When he has the whole world to save


-------------------------------------------------


She doesn't wish to say
She doesn't wish to write
Thinking is painful
Feeling is cyanide



Poetry by karmic justice
Read 715 times
Written on 2011-04-26 at 16:01

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Eli The PoetBay support member heart!
You are doing very well considering you are "sort of new to this."

The emotions within this text connected with me. This is one area that as a writer you have succeeded. I suspect that self-belief is another you might need to work on. Check out Sarah Kay's talk and poem, If I should have a daughter... online. I'm sure you will find it inspiring.

Best wishes.

Eli
2011-04-27


John Ashleigh
You have written with extra perspective - which is often difficult. This shows your talent, and your insight. The words you choose fit perfectly with the emotions you are portraying. I enjoyed reading this - keep writing.

Regards,
John.
2011-04-26