The Deceit and I

I smile at new faces,
I laugh at lame jokes,
I walk with confident strides,
I whisper, trying to pass on some non-existent secrets.
I exist..

I am the image you see of me,
confident, cheerful, unstoppable.
I exist on the lies I have invented about myself,
the ones I want you to believe.
My life should be a bed of roses after all..

At night, a different thing alltogether.
Maybe you imagine me with someone,
too prized to stay alone,
too charming to be without company.

My nights..I spend them alone.
Curled up in my bed,
tears staining the bedsheets,
my soul weeping for the absence of love,
a shattered soul that has not and will never heal.

The promises, I have heard them all,
whispered, shouted and cried out,
my faith is cold about them.
They never moved my heart.

I have spent my life fleeing from the hurt,
never believing enough to hope for better times,
still the child I was, whose trust had been damaged forever.
The one whose non-existent shortcomings had always been praised.

I have always loved..the one who could never love me back..
Time has obliterated the child I was,
paling away the memories of the deceit I went though,
concealing the deep wound I had suffered.
I have been running away from myself ever since,
and also from love...

But here I am, smiling again,
my eyes hiding the truth again,
the words uttered calculated and precise,
living as if life was a perfect sunday afternoon.

Ah..but I do not live...
I only exist..



Poetry by broken soul
Read 678 times
Written on 2012-02-12 at 16:40

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Melissa Ormond
Such a beautiful poem! I enjoyed the read, it's just so heart felt it moved me almost to tears. The third stanza and it's image I know only too well. Keep writing and smiling!:)
2012-02-13