The Undone years

Those were the undone years,
the days of tears and laughter,
cupping the smooth cheek
hiccuping through laughter,
the soreness of rubbed tears
and hearing the sounds of shores
in the heady scent of breath on breath.

The undone, the lost and forgiven,
striving, living, lying in the curl of it all
where hands pressed sticky prints
and hints lay in expressions
marked impressions of future sins.
It was skin on skin, cleaving;
My undone years, the chafing times.

Sobrani mixed passion days with
Smirnoff kisses in iced cups;
noses pink and tips of ears exposed,
the wind blew and the frays of a scarf
blew like a chimera, an hallucinogen.
Laces tied, I was flying, riding the sky.
You told me lies and in truth I was undone.




Poetry by Elle The PoetBay support member heart!
Read 713 times
Written on 2012-11-22 at 20:17

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kath
Your poetry always leaves me with the breath of life wispering in my ear...that is what great poetry is made of

love
Kath
2012-12-05


Lawrence Beck The PoetBay support member heart!
This is a gem, Elle. I especially liked the final line.
2012-11-25


ngaio Beck
A supreme sadness.(in spite of the cigarettes and vodka)
2012-11-23


countryfog
Simply stunningly well done. Many have an eye for details, but you have an ear for them, for the tone and texture and rhythm of expressing them; it insists on being read aloud.
2012-11-23


shells
I agree wholeheartedly with William, " your skill and playfulness with language shines." The piece has an almost lilting quality and the feeling of life unravelling, much enjoyed.
2012-11-23



These are remarkable lines:

the soreness of rubbed tears
and hearing the sounds of shores
in the heady scent of breath on breath.

The complementary pairing of sounds of 'sore' and 'shores'; 'hearing' and 'heady'; and several other rhythmic sounds and meters give this poem structure and movement that goes well with your theme of remembrance and re-assessments of past events.

There are a lot more excellent lines here in which your skill and playfulness with language shines.

William
2012-11-22