*see note below poem

Stone Snowmen [version 2]

In the sky’s last Tanzanite light,

totemic towers line a lucid lake.

Stacked stone snowmen stand

to tantalize the shoreline.

They are the temporal tributes

to the last day’s play.

Their shadows lie mute,

ready to blend with the night

as they rest on the rhythms of the water.

The wind slowly ceases

And the ripples fade without a fight. 



*The first version was in a rhyming style. It is based on notes of raw material I scribbled as we traveled. Later, it developed into version 2, a more developed  version without a rhyme scheme. The poems can be read literally, but they are actually meant more as metaphor.

*Tanzanite is one of my birthstones and is  beautiful. Discovered in the late 1960s in Tanzania, and found exclusively in this tiny area of the world, tanzanite exhibits a rich dark blue to violet-blue color for which the gemstone is treasured.

[ http://www.americangemsociety.org/december-birthstones ]


Poetry by melanie sue
Read 676 times
Written on 2014-01-08 at 15:20

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I have to say I enjoyed both, but the second wins for me, it flows beautifully.

Not that you asked anyone to choose, the second version seems to me more completely realized, drawing me into it (as you seem more a part of it) rather than the first version where I observed what you observed. This would be a fascinating and revealing thing for others of us to share - how a poem begins and then changes as we work with it, or it works on us.