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Jean Thomas

31 years old from Philippines




Moral Dimension

Written 2009-07-25

I've been reading the MORAL DIMENSION book. It's nice. You should read it too. It helped me a lot. The holes inside my heart are filled.
Have you wonder what filled the holes inside me?
Ask me. now I'm totally new.

LET'S NOT FAKE THINGS HERE.
IT'S A BIG PROCRASTINATION.

I mean it.

The song DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS of DISTURBED helped me too. You should listen to it.
It's nice. It's good. It's colonizing me.
Now you know what's nice and good to me. =P

everything that had happened to me was part of the sickness I called CANCER. It's not the cancer that you know. Think.

That cancer killed me yet it gave me another chance to change myself.
I'm thinking that this cancer also contributed to my dehumanization. The hell.
It's good. It really helped me.
I can't explain the feeling but it's really great.
You don't have any worries.
You don't mind your problems because you know you can deal with those.
It's like bringing back your blissful innocence that although you don't know a thing, although people looked at you and gave the impression you're ignorant or anything, it's okay.
You don't care because you know you're good and you're not STUPID.

The hell. I'm just so happy. =D
Hmmm. Maybe I'm getting aloof and numb when it comes to other people, I don't care.
Or maybe I'm number to agony, misery, whatever you would like to call it.
Or maybe I'm immune.

It's like my sins are forgiven by GOD and He washed my whole spirit, soul and body.

I'm just HAPPY right now and I really don't know why.
Bad things have not entered my mind.
No matter how I try to think of negative thoughts, none had dared to stay in my mind.
The negatives are veered away by positive thoughts.

I'm just happy. I'm very happy.
It's for real.
I hope you'll feel it too, to anyone reading this entry. =D


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Innocence

Written 2009-07-20

"Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all."
-Field of Innocence, Evanescence

I hope there's a place for everyone who wants innocence, good ignorance.
I really hope. Let's wish people.
I believe you hope for this thing too.

We belong to the group of people who wants the feeling of unfeeling.
We belong to the group of people who wants to escape from their own slavement. Is there a word slavement?

Oh, never mind. Language is creative.
People speaking are creative.

I love you.

People who have colonized their minds with the greatest good.
People who have logged in their chronicles in words and letters.
People who have locked their real feelings in blank papers found in their bags.
People who have shared their rants against the cruel people and world.
People who have looked back but never regret.
People who have wanted to sleep forever and woke up remembering nothing. Nothing at all.

I love those people. I love you.

Unfortunately, I'm the only one who is feeling this way.
You don't belong to any group where I'm in 'cause I don't have a group at all.

I'm alone. I'm not alone. You don't know.
You're alone. You're not alone. I don't know.
I don't care. We don't care at all.
Unfortunately, I don't loved anyone
'cause no one have done those things.

To one reading this, you don't have to react if you don't understand what I'm saying.

You don't have to react if you don't know me.
You don't have to react if I know you but we never have the genuine bonding.
You don't have to because you really don't have to.

I don't hit on anyone. Or maybe I am because I've lost a best friend.
But it doesn't concern you because you're not my friend at all.
You have never been a good friend.

If I hit you, start realizing things.

. . . .

I miss you.

I have seen you yesterday. Oh, I just saw you.
You have seen me yesterday. Well, you just saw me.

I miss you.
I miss you more.
I miss you so much.
I wonder if I'm gonna miss you forever.

Oh, I wonder.

This wondering gives me happiness.

If wondering can give me, aside from happiness, my little innocence and good ignorance, I'll be happy to wonder all my life.

It's a good feeling. You know nothing.

I'm not crazy. I'm just unconventional.


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Diary

2009

July (2)