R.W.S.

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I wish I could stop it.

Written 2024-03-14


Today has been a bad day
While alone, I've cried almost constantly
And,
While in the company of others,
I have raged;
I've thrown things, broken things, put things back together
I've driven stupidly, punched stuff, shouted
mean things at everyone
I would try and right myself
But,
I'm caught in the avalanche.

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Synchronicity

Written 2024-03-09


I’m entertaining a controlled panic:

As it turns out,
I am completely in sync
with this shit show-

How does this keep happening?

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Small talk

Written 2024-03-01


I saw a therapist the other day.
She seems excited
to dig into my skull
so that’s cool.
I told her that I want my memories back.
She seems to think we can find them.
I hope so.

Then there’s the small issue
of the otherworldly noticings.

Oh, and the weather. It’s been weird.

Damn it.
How can 20 years have passed?

And,
while I am well aware
that I’m not the poster child
of sanity,
I can’t find a way
to make this make sense.

I’ve referred to myself as a watcher
For many years. The irony
does not escape me.

What’s next?

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The Goldfish

Written 2024-02-24


Wanted to go to for a drive
Wanted a human to love

Maybe it never had a chance, a choice
Maybe it didn't need one, want one

Perhaps,

There was never any doubt
There was never any lack

Just a giant wall of fear.

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Isn’t it ironic?

Written 2024-02-24

I’m pretending
that I don’t know
I’m being watched,
even though I know
that I am not.

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There it was again.

Written 2024-02-19


the delusions are bold right now
having to prove the thoughts aren’t true-
time is not running out-
we’re not all doomed-
these vague layers
that have been falling in waves,
washes of another life,
they don’t mean anything-
people, places, colours
and commonplace things
they break through in patches
Am I hallucinating?

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Delinquent

Written 2024-02-19


Want me to come over there?
Sure
Sit down?
Okay
Smile pretty?
Of course
Chat politely?
Chatting’s my favorite
Listen well?
I’ll hang on your every word
Speak eloquently?
I’ll leave the cursing to the sailors
Apologize?
I’m sincerely sorry for needing someone to blame
Give my sweater? Here.
How about my opinions (even though you won’t like them)?

Oh, and yeah, I know I’ve said this before, but,
if you’re set on telling me what to do at every turn,
then I’m afraid you’ll have to

Take a flipping number.

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I’ve forgotten where I put it.

Written 2024-02-19


I’m an expert at hiding things
and let me tell you a secret-
It isn’t all gone.
In fact,
I’m one tiny gemstone
from unleashing the tsunami.

I’ve been afraid to search for it
in terror for all that I hold dear
But now, schizophrenia frees me
to dismiss the fear
as a delusional quirk.

Anyway,

I really don’t know what’s about to happen.

Haven’t you been asking me if this is the end of everything?

God, I hope not.

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I think about it every day.

Written 2010-07-26

I watch a movie
and try to fit between the actors.
I hear a song
and try to ignore the accusations.
I wonder on things
such as aliens abductions, and
time traveling secret agents
armed with tracking devices,
mind controlling radio waves,
and vampire powers.

I constantly quiet it,
hide it, examine it,
and sort it, even as I fight it.

I cannot narrow it down to a single day.
There is only Before,
and After.

Death seems an appropriate equal,
Yet I live.





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Me vs

Written 2010-07-24

The picture has carved itself into my mind:

Snarling, spitting, screaming;
Boiling red,
Eyes alive with anger.

And I can't decide if I should hate her,
or hide her,

or let her back in.

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