This is what I like to call a poetic story.



The Trouble

This is a story about a young girl
Who was Charismatic and bold, but sadly, she was about to be sold
But little did she knew she was for sale
Where the highest bidder prevailed
She was unaware of her destination, so innocent, she thought of it as a interesting situation
Luckily, the person that bought her treated her as his daughter
The man was not wealthy, he was just wise
He paid the bid price to free her , but he couldn't afford to keep her
He let her go with some food and money and told her "take care and don't ever give up honey"
She always kept those words in her head
And that's the only guidance she would ever get
After that she never looked back
Now, when she sings everybody claps
She got a rack full of awards and prizes
Feeling happy everyday once she rises
She valued the guidance
Lonely, but she took her struggle as motivation
Therefore, success is where she stationed
Believing in yourself is the essence
Let the whole world know about your presence
Regardless of the struggle
Cause life isn't fun without some trouble




Poetry by Sugam
Read 687 times
Written on 2016-11-05 at 21:23

Tags Story  Self  Motivation 

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A nice enough narrative but very surface laden. It would be better, in my opinion, if you dug deeper. There is so much that can be told here that the short poem doesn't do it justice. I see a saga here. I want to read it.
Also the lack of rhyme in line 8 and 9 really breaks the flow where in you end line 8 with her but in line 9 employ the internal rhyme of money and honey. The "her" just stands there stranded.
All my opinion though. Cheers.
2016-11-22


Bibek The PoetBay support member heart!
Indeed a poetic story. Loved the narrative.
2016-11-06