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BISERS FROM THE COURT by Ann Wood

BISERS FROM THE COURT
Prosecutor: Are You Active Sexually?
Witness: No, I'm just lying.

Attorney: She had three children, right?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: How many of these boys?
Witness: None.
Lawyer: A Girls?
Witness: Your Honor, I think I need a new lawyer. Can you appoint me another?

Attorney: What is the reason for your first marriage?
Witness: Death.
Attorney: Whose death?
Witness: Guess.

Attorney: Can you describe the suspect?
Witness: Medium of height, with beard.
Attorney: Male or Female?
Witness: Unless there is a circus in town, I will bet a man.

Prosecutor: How many of the autopsy did you do to dead people?
Witness: All. The living resist very much.

Attorney: All your answers must be aloud, clear? Which school did you study?
Witness: Voice ...

Attorney: Do you remember how long did you start the autopsy?
Witness: At 20:30.
Attorney: And at that time Mr. Denton was dead?
Witness: If not, when I was finished, surely he had already died.
Lawyer: Doctor, did you check for a pulse before performing the autopsy?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Blood Pressure?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Breathing?
Witness: No.
Advocate: Is it possible then that the patient was still alive when you started the autopsy?
Witness: No.
Lawyer: How do you know, Doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was in a jar on my desk.
Attorney: I understand, but is it still possible to still be alive?
Witness: Yes, he may have been alive and practiced Law ...

Prosecutor: You broke the same nose when you were a child.
Witness: Well, I only have one ...

Lawyer: How old is your son who lives with you?
Witness: 38 or 35, I do not remember exactly.
Attorney: How long has he been living with you?
Witness: 45 years.

Lawyer: Sir, what is your IQ?
Witness: I think I see it well.

Attorney: The younger son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
Witness: At 20, as is your IQ.

Lawyer: Were you there when you were filming?
Witness: Are you with me?

Attorney: So you conceived on August 8?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: What did you do at this time?
Witness: Sex.

Short story by Ann Wood