A memoir about when my friends dad died.
A memoir by Jordan Nicole
I had never dealt with death. Sure, guinea pigs would come and go, but I expected it. I never went to a real funeral. I hadn't even been inside a funeral home. Anyone related to me, died 15,00 miles away. I never knew them, they didn't mean anything to me. But Ashley, Ashley means a lot to me, and she lives only a few blocks up the road.
A few weeks ago I came up the stairs at school, full of the same energy and delight that I always show my friends in the early morning. I love to make them laugh, to take their minds of things and cheer them up, and usually it worked. Yet no amount of my energy could change the cold tension that was in the air that Monday morning. When I came to the top of the stairs, I smiled at them. But I knew that something was wrong. Cassey had a somber look on her face; her smiling eyes and fun laugh wasn't there that day. Her mouth was almost glued shut. The notebook in her hands was turned to a page with just a single paragraph on it.
' Ashley's dad died yesterday. Me and Gina and some other people are taking a vow of silence for him. ... ... R.I.P James Latimer the third May 1st 2005.'
I felt like crying. What was I going to do? I wanted to talk to her, but I was sure she didn't want to hear form me. We weren't friends anymore. I decided that I would also give my voice to Ashley and her dad that day. Still I thought. I need to make sure she's okay. I waited until I was home to decide on what I was going to do. My heart sped up as I dialed the number that I still had memorized. She really didn't want to hear from me I thought as her voice picked up the phone.
"Hello ?"
"Hey is Ashley there?", I asked.
"This is her.", replied.
"Its Jordan, listen I just called to see if you were okay."
"I'm fine."
"Okay I just wanted to make sure", I said .
"Bye." She said and hung up the phone.
It didn't feel right. She used to be one of my best friends. I talked to her about everything and she was always there for me. Now it was like she was trying to hide her feelings from me. I needed to be there for her now, I needed to be there for her before.
I knew that Ashley's dad had cancer. She had told me and Gina about it a long time ago. I also knew that his condition had been getting worse. Why didn't I call before? Why didn't I ask her how he was when I saw her in the halls? I felt so guilty. When we were friends, I told her about all my problems. Still I always forgot that there was her dad, steadily dying as I sat there whining about my mom. Maybe, that alone, is what ruined our friendship.
I called Ashley again the next day. I knew that her dad's funeral was going to be on Friday, I also knew that she probably didn't want me there but I had to make sure. I dialed the number once more.
"Hello?" , it was her.
"Hey Ashley?"
"yeah"
"umm I know that you probably don't want me there, but do you think that it would be okay if I went to your dads funeral Friday?" I said in one breath.
"Uh . . . Yeah I guess" , she said
"Well , umm okay.", I replied
"Bye".
So that was it. I was going.
I never did end up going to that funeral. But that Thursday , I spent the night at Mandy's house. Mandy, Zach, Brooke and I went to the viewing together that night. We got her a card and drove out to Walled Lake. I was scared stiff by the time we pulled up to the home. I didn't look like I imagined it. Flowers were everywhere. The building was well taken care of, and there was a few smiling owners standing outside of it. It seemed weird to me, that such a beautiful place could bring pain to so many people.
I got out of the car and my heart sped up again. She really didn't want me there, I knew it. Why did I come? I saw Ashley sitting on the front porch, and it was like something had broke inside her. It was funny, because instead of looking unlike herself, she looked more like Ashley then she had in awhile; a sad Ashley, but still her. Her lately fake, concealing eyes were hers again. There was something about her that just screamed her name. She glowed that day, like she was peaceful because she didn't have to wait or wonder anymore, but sad that she ever had to.
When we did finally reach Ashley on the porch, she was sitting there with Gina , just sort of talking . She didn't really look like she had been crying at all. She gave each Mandy, Zach and Brooke a hug, while I just sort of stood back. Gina motioned me towards her and Ashley gave me a quick hug. "You're here." she said. Then we went inside.
The air was different inside the funeral home than it was outside. It felt like everyone was in a movie with there own set of lines. No one was crying like I expected. I heard laughter even, and I took me by surprise. I looked around and was more surprised to see that Zach was among the laughing people.
The casket was at the front of the room. It to was surrounded by flowers. Gina thought that we should go up to it. She even thought that I should say something over it. " Just say one of your random poems" she pushed on our way up to it. When we got up to the casket , I don't remember breathing. The air felt cooler there like it wasn't supposed to be inhaled, wasn't supposed to be inside you. I shivered as we stood there, looking at the person, so motionless, so painless, so lifeless. I let a few soft words leave my lips and got away from there as soon as I could.
It was time to leave. Time to say good bye to Ashley and this terrifying place. Everyone said goodbye to her. Then there I was, standing there again feeling kind of stupid. She came up to me and gave me a hug, a real hug. Then she whispered to me, " I'm glad you come."
In the car on the way home I cried, and I cried that night in Mandy's bathroom. I really don't think that I cried because of the effect of seeing a dead man. I don't think that I cried because of my fear. I cried because of that one line, 'I'm glad you came' , and I don't think that I will ever forget it.
R.I.P James Latimer the third. May 1st 2005
Please keep him safe, and help all the people effected by him and his death. Especially Ashley , Matthew and Michael.
Short story by Jordan Nicole
Read 955 times
Written on 2005-08-20 at 19:20
Tags Grief
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I'm glad you came (a memoir)
I'm Glad you came.A memoir by Jordan Nicole
I had never dealt with death. Sure, guinea pigs would come and go, but I expected it. I never went to a real funeral. I hadn't even been inside a funeral home. Anyone related to me, died 15,00 miles away. I never knew them, they didn't mean anything to me. But Ashley, Ashley means a lot to me, and she lives only a few blocks up the road.
A few weeks ago I came up the stairs at school, full of the same energy and delight that I always show my friends in the early morning. I love to make them laugh, to take their minds of things and cheer them up, and usually it worked. Yet no amount of my energy could change the cold tension that was in the air that Monday morning. When I came to the top of the stairs, I smiled at them. But I knew that something was wrong. Cassey had a somber look on her face; her smiling eyes and fun laugh wasn't there that day. Her mouth was almost glued shut. The notebook in her hands was turned to a page with just a single paragraph on it.
' Ashley's dad died yesterday. Me and Gina and some other people are taking a vow of silence for him. ... ... R.I.P James Latimer the third May 1st 2005.'
I felt like crying. What was I going to do? I wanted to talk to her, but I was sure she didn't want to hear form me. We weren't friends anymore. I decided that I would also give my voice to Ashley and her dad that day. Still I thought. I need to make sure she's okay. I waited until I was home to decide on what I was going to do. My heart sped up as I dialed the number that I still had memorized. She really didn't want to hear from me I thought as her voice picked up the phone.
"Hello ?"
"Hey is Ashley there?", I asked.
"This is her.", replied.
"Its Jordan, listen I just called to see if you were okay."
"I'm fine."
"Okay I just wanted to make sure", I said .
"Bye." She said and hung up the phone.
It didn't feel right. She used to be one of my best friends. I talked to her about everything and she was always there for me. Now it was like she was trying to hide her feelings from me. I needed to be there for her now, I needed to be there for her before.
I knew that Ashley's dad had cancer. She had told me and Gina about it a long time ago. I also knew that his condition had been getting worse. Why didn't I call before? Why didn't I ask her how he was when I saw her in the halls? I felt so guilty. When we were friends, I told her about all my problems. Still I always forgot that there was her dad, steadily dying as I sat there whining about my mom. Maybe, that alone, is what ruined our friendship.
I called Ashley again the next day. I knew that her dad's funeral was going to be on Friday, I also knew that she probably didn't want me there but I had to make sure. I dialed the number once more.
"Hello?" , it was her.
"Hey Ashley?"
"yeah"
"umm I know that you probably don't want me there, but do you think that it would be okay if I went to your dads funeral Friday?" I said in one breath.
"Uh . . . Yeah I guess" , she said
"Well , umm okay.", I replied
"Bye".
So that was it. I was going.
I never did end up going to that funeral. But that Thursday , I spent the night at Mandy's house. Mandy, Zach, Brooke and I went to the viewing together that night. We got her a card and drove out to Walled Lake. I was scared stiff by the time we pulled up to the home. I didn't look like I imagined it. Flowers were everywhere. The building was well taken care of, and there was a few smiling owners standing outside of it. It seemed weird to me, that such a beautiful place could bring pain to so many people.
I got out of the car and my heart sped up again. She really didn't want me there, I knew it. Why did I come? I saw Ashley sitting on the front porch, and it was like something had broke inside her. It was funny, because instead of looking unlike herself, she looked more like Ashley then she had in awhile; a sad Ashley, but still her. Her lately fake, concealing eyes were hers again. There was something about her that just screamed her name. She glowed that day, like she was peaceful because she didn't have to wait or wonder anymore, but sad that she ever had to.
When we did finally reach Ashley on the porch, she was sitting there with Gina , just sort of talking . She didn't really look like she had been crying at all. She gave each Mandy, Zach and Brooke a hug, while I just sort of stood back. Gina motioned me towards her and Ashley gave me a quick hug. "You're here." she said. Then we went inside.
The air was different inside the funeral home than it was outside. It felt like everyone was in a movie with there own set of lines. No one was crying like I expected. I heard laughter even, and I took me by surprise. I looked around and was more surprised to see that Zach was among the laughing people.
The casket was at the front of the room. It to was surrounded by flowers. Gina thought that we should go up to it. She even thought that I should say something over it. " Just say one of your random poems" she pushed on our way up to it. When we got up to the casket , I don't remember breathing. The air felt cooler there like it wasn't supposed to be inhaled, wasn't supposed to be inside you. I shivered as we stood there, looking at the person, so motionless, so painless, so lifeless. I let a few soft words leave my lips and got away from there as soon as I could.
It was time to leave. Time to say good bye to Ashley and this terrifying place. Everyone said goodbye to her. Then there I was, standing there again feeling kind of stupid. She came up to me and gave me a hug, a real hug. Then she whispered to me, " I'm glad you come."
In the car on the way home I cried, and I cried that night in Mandy's bathroom. I really don't think that I cried because of the effect of seeing a dead man. I don't think that I cried because of my fear. I cried because of that one line, 'I'm glad you came' , and I don't think that I will ever forget it.
R.I.P James Latimer the third. May 1st 2005
Please keep him safe, and help all the people effected by him and his death. Especially Ashley , Matthew and Michael.
Short story by Jordan Nicole
Read 955 times
Written on 2005-08-20 at 19:20
Tags Grief
Save as a bookmark (requires login) Write a comment (requires login) Send as email (requires login) Print text|
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