Thoughts running through my mind while watching a poetry performance.
to be me today
I felt like I had to squeeze
into the space my body was taking up
And apologise for spilling out
onto the arm rest
‘Have you been working out?’ she asked
‘No I have been beating myself up for not working out’ I should have said
It took so much energy
to be me today
Bra straps sticking out
on bare shoulders
Pot belly
Hairy legs
Crossed under the chair,
hoping I don’t spill
the glass of water
I had to ask for
cos my mouth was so dry
It takes so much energy to be me
To take up space
To seek attention
To listen actively
To nod
To snap
To clap
I’m wound as tight
as a toddlers tentacles
around her mother’s finger
A mother who taught me
how to smile through tears
And when those tears
took me to a therapist,
She said no,
No, you’re not attention-seeking
You’re attachment-seeking
No, you don’t have daddy issues
You have abandonment issues
No, you don’t have OCD
You have a compulsive desire to please
And this is why
it takes so much energy to be me
Energy I need to preserve,
And conserve
And refill
Yes, it is like phone battery
And no, rest is not a reward
It’s a requirement
And so what?
So what if it takes
so much energy to be me?
I am valuable
I am loved
I am cherished
And I’d rather be me
Everyday
Poetry by Inspired
Written on 2025-07-06 at 10:13
Tags Therapy Conscious Thoughts
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What I learnt in therapy
It took too much energyto be me today
I felt like I had to squeeze
into the space my body was taking up
And apologise for spilling out
onto the arm rest
‘Have you been working out?’ she asked
‘No I have been beating myself up for not working out’ I should have said
It took so much energy
to be me today
Bra straps sticking out
on bare shoulders
Pot belly
Hairy legs
Crossed under the chair,
hoping I don’t spill
the glass of water
I had to ask for
cos my mouth was so dry
It takes so much energy to be me
To take up space
To seek attention
To listen actively
To nod
To snap
To clap
I’m wound as tight
as a toddlers tentacles
around her mother’s finger
A mother who taught me
how to smile through tears
And when those tears
took me to a therapist,
She said no,
No, you’re not attention-seeking
You’re attachment-seeking
No, you don’t have daddy issues
You have abandonment issues
No, you don’t have OCD
You have a compulsive desire to please
And this is why
it takes so much energy to be me
Energy I need to preserve,
And conserve
And refill
Yes, it is like phone battery
And no, rest is not a reward
It’s a requirement
And so what?
So what if it takes
so much energy to be me?
I am valuable
I am loved
I am cherished
And I’d rather be me
Everyday
Poetry by Inspired
Written on 2025-07-06 at 10:13
Tags Therapy Conscious Thoughts
Save as a bookmark (requires login) Write a comment (requires login) Send as email (requires login) Print text
