First rough draft straight out of my mind. Needs polishing. Open to critique.


The Vestiges

A sepia bronzed skyline,

Dappled in blue-
Layered between
the frosted frontier-

Spawns the dark
Ominous clouds
That soon loom over
The silhouettes'
Smokey breath.

More vestiges
Of war.
Fading out
Behind
The storms'
Renewal.





Poetry by Clara Mae Gregory The PoetBay support member heart!
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Written on 2026-06-27 at 14:25

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Clara Mae Gregory The PoetBay support member heart!
Allen, thank you for your thoughtful feedback. It is much appreciated. This poem is still under construction. As I stated, it is a rough draft of the first lines that popped into my head. I want to develop "the renewal concepts". And, yes, you are right in a sense-- it depends on whose perch is viewing-- the immediate victims or the victims of the lingering effects of "recovery" of the survivors and those future generations? Is recovery even possible? And based in the degree of destruction, such as total annihilation brings? I want to develop the contrast rooted in renewal further. While the ruins [represented by smokey silhouettes in the distance] represents the stagnant destruction, the storm introduces the dynamic, cleansing movement. Think of the storm as providing the rain for an environmental baptism, washing away the dust of war to allow green shoots and new beginnings to eventually take hold. That is where I am going with this.
2026-06-28


Griffonner The PoetBay support member heart!
My only comment would be that I don't think the vestiges of war fade out, but perhaps you are taking this in a different direction. Blessings, Allen
2026-06-27