The burden of being a Sun that shines over the so called "Blue Planet"


...I wrote to you about the birds...
you kept the ashes of the burned letters
that I sent you
you had my words under your bed
they were like a monster
but only to the world
for you
they were guardians...

(an excerpt of a letter written by the sun to the moon)



***

we finally let the sun to rise
it came from behind the mountains
it stood up like a samurai
to its hara-kiri ritual
proud but with emptiness in its eyes
it went through our hair
made it messy, greasy and wonderful

and afterwards it was over

the sun went down

into our hands

and disappeared in to the forgetfulness





Poetry by Sanchez
Read 955 times
Written on 2008-12-02 at 15:22

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Christin Brennan
Sanchez-
i was very drawn to this poem after the first line, smart. yes, behind all the clutter & rules, crits are supposed to call out the technicality in poetry...i can say that so far-this feels like a poem that is naturally constructed by a writer. i'll go as far as saying some people just got it & some don't :)
"...it came from behind the mountains..."> great line but should be refined. 'it came from behind...' is a rocky road. i want to read 'it came behind' on impulse. at the same time-i can see past the rocks. awesome personification. it is very elegant & mysterious.
am i the only one that sees sex as the underlying spine in the second part??
& since you chose an intricate structure, i'd hope that was as much a form of language as the words. if so, i spent too much time trying to find the conveyance of the first & second part & their connection. enlighten me if i'm wrong.

cheers
christin
2009-08-28



Beautiful imagery here! The metaphors burn into the very soul of this reader...the sun and the moon cannot exist without eachother...the first lines are stunning, running into a wonderful poem on loving, faulteringly ending on...what saves us all.

Smiling at you

Tai
2009-08-09