Just a start of sorts to a sci-fi short story. Some constructive critisism anyone?


Death of the Energetic Lifechild

He is in a hospital room. The quiet steps outside belong to the nurses, but he doesn't hear them. The man is connected to the room through several wires attached to his body. He is floating in a highly lit glass chest - without any toxins. The poison neutral fluid around his body owns a deep, but transparent shade of purple. An oxygen tank is hooked up to a blue wire, that is penetrating his chest. Wires are plugged in near central blood veins, and through them, a neon green fluid is pumped through his body. A cyanide blue fiber optic kable connects his brain to an illuminated apparatus under the glass chest. The apparatus is registering everything.

Han ligger på et sykehusværelse. De dempede stegene utenfor døren tilhører sykerpleierskene, men han hører dem ikke. Mannen er forbundet til værelset med utallige ledninger festet til kroppen. Han svever i en sterkt opplyst glasskiste, fri for gasser. Den giftnøytrale væsken rundt legemet hans besitter en dyp, men transparent fiolettfarge. En oksygentank er koblet til en blå ledning som penetrerer brystkasse hans. Ledninger festet til sentrale blodårer pumper støtvis en neongrønn væske gjennom mannens kropp. Det går en cyanblå fiberoptisk kabel fra hodet hans til et lysende apparatur under glasskisten han befinner seg i. Apparatet registrerer ALT.




Short story by Tiffany
Read 765 times
Written on 2009-01-28 at 22:16

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Thomas Perdue The PoetBay support member heart!
Nice start to it, I look forward to reading more and seeing where you'll go with this... It's good to see you posting again. :-)

T.
2009-01-29


Phyllis J. Rhodes
You certainly have my attention. Yes, it is worth ready.
2009-01-28