its blank for a reason


ANGLE

My angle flys in mid heaven
forever out of reach

Close enough to see her
but far enough so I can't breach

I'm left spending my days longing
wishing for her to be mine

a heart left in limbo
for the rest of all time

Broken and confuse
forever shall I'm be

Well my poor angle
ends up hating me

she thinks I don't love her
with all my heart and soul

what she doesn't see
is that I'm trying to regain control

She thinks that I'm not hurting
that I em not in pain

she couldn't be more wrong
it's driving me insane

Just cuz I don't show my hurt
does mean it's not there

and for you to judge me other wise
is just not really fair

I really wish I could be there
to help you forget about your sorrow

But it's just not right
you must forget about me before tomorrow

you think that your of little account
why would you say that to me

you break my mind and twist my soul
all of which you do not see

this is my finely good bye
it is said with a tear in eye and a broken heart



Poetry by philip reis
Read 900 times
Written on 2009-06-25 at 04:33

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Doreen Cavazza
Again, there is such an innocent sweetness to your writing. Heartfelt, sad and loving. The only thing that takes away from the experience is the grammatical mechanical problems. Other than that, it's a sweet sentiment where the feelings are made clear and easy to relate to. I hope you don't mind if I point out the small items that can be fixed to make this even more powerful than it already is. I mean only to help.

You mean Angel, which is the winged creature. Angle would be like, "angle the camera toward the tree".

Flys should be flies.

"Broken and confuse - should be broken and confused
forever shall I'm be" - should be forever shall I be

"that I em not in pain" - that I am not in pain

"Just cuz I don't show my hurt
does mean it's not there" - Just 'cause (not cuz) and how about, for meter's sake: doesn't mean it isn't there.

"you think that your of little account" - you think you're (since it is the contraction of you are)

"this is my finely good bye" - this is my final goodbye.
2011-11-14