I Guess Ya Had to Be There

you said,
"the best thinking you'll ever do,
you'll do on tiled floors."

and then you went and died, didn't ya?
knee-deep in aphorisms
and burnt-out origami cigarettes;
contorted, and crucified by silverware
on your favorite booth table in that swan-dive
of an all-hours diner.

i bet you were writing at the very moment
that your whiplashed little soul decided
it was gonna blow this town without ya.

it probably stole your ink-stained napkin on the way out:
some suicide note for a man who never lived
or a witless fuckin' diatribe
about why you couldn't be bothered to describe
the greatest prank you ever pulled on god.

and somebody, somewhere
was failing a Rorschach test
with answers like
"a fallen angel chained to a jukebox," and
"Tom Waits throwin' dice with the devil"

and the rest of us?
well we're not even gonna go to your funeral,
because yeah, we're still pretty pissed off.
you told us that life was this amazing inside joke
and then ya didn't stick around to explain it.

now we all gotta sit here
on these goddamn freezing dirty tiles,
and try to figure shit out for ourselves.

we miss you, ya fuckin' asshole.

Poetry by Vince Blake
Read 672 times
Written on 2010-02-18 at 05:49

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Brian Oarr
This is an excellent poem, which nevertheless stumbles across to finish line. Not for reasons of the blue language, I could care less about that, but rather because you squander an opportunity.

The three most important moments in a poem are the title, the opening line and the finishing line. Your title is a tad bit cliched, but fits with the tone of the poem. I consider the entire first stanza as your opening line and it's superb as a lead-in to the body of the poem, which IMO sparkles right up to the end.

The last line of a well written poem has got to "stick the landing", like the "ah-ha moment" in a haiku. Yours seems more like an after thought and had me saying "but we knew that already".

Just my subjective criticism on a poem worthy of serious comment.

--- Brian

Language: 5
Format: 4
Mood: 5
Overall: 4

Welcome! Great first posting, edgy stuff written with descriptive passion.

Language: 5
Format: 5
Mood: 5
Overall: 5

Welcome to poetbay Vince. Hope you keep having fun writing, if this is measure.

melanie sue
Hi Vince. Welcome to my home away from home-Poetbay! I am glad to see you here and I hope you like it. It is a good place to "breathe" and write poetry and more!

As for the poem, it strikes me as something very personal, it seems you are recounting the loss of a good friend who left with unfinished business.....a metaphor? (perhaps)....and as always, written with unique intensity of words. i love the choice of title-very fitting.

I hope all is well with you. CHEERS!