As always: critiques and criticisms gladly accepted.


Bartering for Trash


you traded pure silver
for used tinfoil
thinking you'd found gold

you threw out the egg
to feast on the shell
you broke into prison
to stay out of jail

i never said you were a fool-
no, that would be me.

you pawned your possessions
to buy snake oil
for treating the common cold

you broke the hand
for the sake of a nail
you've never seen heaven
so you claim to like hell

i never said you were a tool-
oh, that would be me.

after all, i am who
was dumb enough
to believe in you.




Poetry by StillHoppin The PoetBay support member heart!
Read 943 times
Written on 2013-04-17 at 12:57

Tags Love  Anger  Foolish 

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F.i.in.e Moods The PoetBay support member heart!
Settling for less because confidence dictates that's all you're good for is what this makes me think about. I really don't have criticisms to make about this because the way you wrote it drives it home by itself ;) Your poetry is a treat for the mind and imagination; I know I say it all the time, but it's true. Loved it!
2013-04-24



Makes one look forward to the taking out of the trash. (Two birds with one stone.) They saved you the trouble by setting up camp among the wrinkled bags of dirty diapers and banana peels. Now it's just a matter of waiting on the dump truck.
2013-04-17


shells
Absolutely loved it, especially the second stanza. The only small criticism I have is I am not a fan of using the lower case i, preferring I, but that's just me.
2013-04-17