terri wakes me

i am sobbing from a dream

frightened

unable to catch my breath

she holds me

she doesn’t ask questions

even before

i open my eyes

it is gone

all but . . . 

all i remember

is that i have a sense

of what might have been

and it is gone

~~~

i hadn't meant it to happen

it did

despite common sense

despite terri

despite being unreciprocated

i had no resistance

wanted no resistance

love is love

it felt good

i was on fire

one touch and i was gone

i am shaking

almost inconsolable

terri says shhh

~~~

in time i tell terri

what i remember of my dream

of my fantasy lover

she is quiet for a minute

it seems like a long minute

she looks at me

i think she’s assessing

then she unleashes her inner dolphin

in a way that almost frightens me

it knocks the dream

and thoughts of all others

out of my silly head for now and forever

dream

what dream

~~~

my fantasy lover

becomes my friend

distant

surreal

but lovely 

in a way i've never known

we confide

we celebrate each other's happiness

it hurts to let go

it does

but she left an ember within 

a warmth

that stays with me

that i wouldn't trade for all the world

~~~

i'm doing laundry

i catch myself singing a childhood song 

terri and babydoll

up in a tree

k ~ i ~ s ~ s ~ i ~ n ~ g

first comes love

then comes marriage

then comes . . . hmm . . . 

in a baby carriage

in my revery i use too much bleach

oops~a~daisy

ruining terri's favorite t-shirt

how will i ever make it up to her . . .

let me count the ways