you are backlit

by the late afternoon sun

silhouetted

your face in shadow

as you turn toward me

a sliver of light

illuminates your jawline

you are without expression

conveying so much

with your non-expression

i know this face

i know what you are not saying

i know that i love you is not enough

this wants more than kisses and chocolate cake

~

you told me of an incident in a park

this was in the beginning

when it was important that we give

something irretrievable of ourselves

~

when this evidence of evil 

comes to the surface

you begin to doubt everything

love does not penetrate

you want something more

something that confirms goodness

that the evil was aberrant 

that he won't come back

i am not sure i can penetrate

this wants time

this isn't about me

i put the kettle on, and get two cups

and tzao

i know you'll want honey

~

when you give yourself

you give everything

but this was taken from you

~

this may take

a slow accumulation of goodness

there may be

no one thing to make it right

i could say trust me

it will be alright 

but i don't, it may not be

i pour the tea

you smile, it's a start

you aren't one

to draw out your mood

this one dark mood

this rarity

brought on by a memory

~

in a novel, afterward conveys time passed

conveying a suggestion

in a movie, afterward is a cut 

to a bedroom scene

the couple lying just so

sheets tussled haphazardly, covering

as if by chance, a breast or cock

the artifice, after mad passion, is a convention

which must play out

and so

afterward, with you in my arms

your head on my shoulder

it is still there

but now it is better, less vivid

~

i wish i could say it is my doing

this little bit of better

in a way it is, in my selfishness i did everything

will do anything, to bring you back

all motives

being selfish, mine are no different

but this is good

no matter the reason

you needed someone, and i am someone

and though you were passive

it was there, it will come

the stirring

the return to the familiar

the return to yourself

~

later still

when we are playing dolphins in earnest

you say something

i don't quite hear, i think it is thank you

if only you knew

and you do

how unnecessary it is to even think such a thing

yet, you were lost in something dark 

you didn't know the way out

it is natural 

to give thanks, to say it aloud

the words were not meant for me

but in the abstract, sent heavenward

~

i think you needed proof, my love

~

morning brings soft light

diffused

from far away, from the east

you are so beautiful