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NOTE: 2004 10 15 xxHxx EST Just Wanna Be Home - an oldie of mine...

Just Wanna Be Home


- written in 2004 (when I started posting online), at a time when I worked at a call centre and when I was returning back to work after a few months on medical leave from the job - I wasn't too ready to go back but I had to... These words are my feelings and experiences about going back, plus there was also a failed relationship with one of my supervisors (not recommended!), which made my going back all the more awkward and uncomfortable... just some ramblings about it in not great rhymes, and rhythm, actually... very much the 'style' of my writing then... 




Startled from my sleep in a panic
My fears take a hold of me in a lick
It's the dreaded seizing morning again

Difficultly, my composure, I try to regain

It's time to move I convince myself

My cozy blanket I don't want to leave
The calm warmth too short, I believe
But I get out of bed nonetheless
'Cause I can't afford to be penniless

In the shower to be a more presentable being
I get ready for yet another day of "living"
This is only the start of my neverending anxiety
As the minutes'll roll today, it'll grow in intensity

I dress then moisturize my dry skin

Now driving in the early traffic, music blaring
Massive huddle of dulled minds still sleeping
My stress I try to stifle by wailing out my lungs
Just singing along with my fav playlist's songs

The autoroute's exit to work I'm nearing
More energetic and louder I carry on singing
Oh I really don't want to arrive at destination

Dreadful hours without using imagination

I reason with myself it's a temporary necessary evil

My hell grows as soon as I step foot in the parking lot
A co-worker notices and greets me, my stomach's in knots
Pleasantly I respond, while mind wishes we were worlds away
Nervously I step inside, psyching myself I'll have a nice day

Magnetic employee card in hand I punch in
A few more smiles, here and there, my shift begins
Headset on, logged in, I wait for the heart-stopping tone
From the first to the last, my body can be likened to a stone

I anxiously watch the agonizingly slow minutes go by

The first call: a confused client not making any damned sense
And the more I explain, it's hopeless, he's just simply dense
The second's a client in a hurry completely impatient
As is policy, profuse apologies I empathically present

After five minutes of this, I lose my interest sorely
And the usual scorching heat keeps rising inside of me
Miserable, I look at the time again for more disappointment
It's only been fifteen minutes, I'm nowhere near enjoyment

I melt in my chair and miserably fail to change my mood

A finger taps on my shoulder, my heart skips a beat painfully
Without ill-intentions, a neighboring co-worker invades my privacy
"How long have you been gone? Are you fairing better now?"
On the spot, cornered, I don't want to say but can't lie somehow

My mind racing, panic strikes, I hurriedly offer a vague answer
Insecurity soaring, I secretly wish to deal instead with a caller
Saved, the tone in my ear rings once more, my escape from this
A very short-lived relief, the new client is absolutely pissed!

Exasperated, exhausted, I just want to be home


Celebration! One hour has gone by finally
But my emotions again play tricks on me
One minute they are oblivious to his arrival
The next, the outcome becomes once more brutal

Roller coaster of unstable feelings intense
His coldness towards me doesn't make any sense
It comes and goes in my mind without obvious warning
The finality of our closeness still finds a way to sting

So I adopt a nonchalant attitude but comfort won't find me


Only three more hours to go...


Diary by Moods The PoetBay support member heart!
Read 35 times
Written on 2020-10-17 at 00:13

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one trick pony The PoetBay support member heart!
ugh. painful, but painful because you wrote it well. the minutes drag, almost unbearable.

life. there's gotta be a better way.

josephus The PoetBay support member heart!
Not pleasant... but very well written and very descriptive. Hope things get better!