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F.i.in.e Moods





Current Mood:  qui sait...

Current Music:  "Crash Course in Brain Surgery" - Metallica

 

NOTE:  2022 07 13  08H10 EST  Ramblings 612 - 



Ramblings 612

Written 2022-07-14

 

Il n'y a plus rien à dire.

En réalité, l'intérêt s'est

Perdu autant pour eux

Que pour moi, et le

Tout est devenu inutile.

 

There is nothing more to say.

In truth, the interest has been

Lost as much for them

As for me, and the whole of

This has become useless.

 

Il ne reste rien de ceci

Qui berce mon coeur ou

Qui touche mon esprit,

Donc il n'y a plus de sens

De continuer ce chemin.

 

There is nothing left of this

That gently rocks my heart or

That touches my spirit,

So there is no longer any sense

To continue this path.

 

Ils passent leur temps

À se contredire, et moi,

J'en suis vraiment tannée

D'essayer de les suivre

Ou de subir les impacts.

 

They spend their time

Contradicting themselves, and me,

I'm really fed up

Of trying to follow them

Or of enduring the impacts.

 

En plus, je n'ai plus rien

À dire, plus de mots, plus

De raisons, c'est fini, mort.

Je n'ai plus envie d'accepter

Qu'on me niaise non plus.

 

Adding to that, I have nothing more

To say, no more words, no more

Reasons, it's done, dead.

I no longer feel like accepting

Being taken for an idiot either.



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Current Mood:  want to write in my language...

Current Music:  "Careless Whisper " - Seether (WHAM! cover)

 

NOTE:  2022 07 06  13H13 EST  Une nature mère-poule, je suppose... -



Une nature mère-poule, je suppose... (A Mother Goose Nature, I Suppose...)

Written 2022-07-06

 

c'est un grand souci pour moi

que tout va bien pour tout le monde

pas juste moi

je n'aime pas ça quand les gens

ne se sentent pas bien

c'est vraiment plus fort que moi

 

 

rough translation...

 

A Mother Goose Nature, I Suppose...

 

It's for me something I mind very much

that everything is going well for everyone

not just me

I don't like it when people

don't feel all right

It's for me something I really can't help



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Current Mood:  energy = -5 (on a scale of 1-10)...

Current Music:  "Marian" - Sisters of Mercy

 

NOTE:  2022 07 06  09H35 EST  I'll Keep Wondering Then Worry - 



I'll Keep Wondering Then Worry

Written 2022-07-06

 

- sorry, changes without explanations always make me wonder, then worry...

 

Ok, you got my attention.

Maybe you'd like to tell

Me what's going on,

'Cause if you expect me

To guess, that could take

A long while to happen.

 

Something's obviously

Different between us,

But it came so suddenly,

And without explanation,

It's difficult to pinpoint

What may have caused it.

 

Was it something I said?

Or did I neglect you?

Or it's nothing like that,

You're busy taking care

Of yourself and your life?

But if you don't say...



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Current Mood:  evaluating my role in life, what's most important to me...

Current Music:  "The Answer (slow version)" - Blue October

 

NOTE:  2022 07 04  10H12 EST  The Happiest Part of Life for Me -

The Happiest Part of Life for Me

Written 2022-07-04

 

One of the things

Which brings me

The most joy,

Inner satisfaction,

And meaning,

Is when I'm able

To help or assist

When it's needed.

 

Something about

Being there for

Others and being

Able to be useful,

Just does it for me.

Makes me happy,

Makes me smile

When I can make

 

'Happy' come others'

Way in that manner.

It's good feelings

All around any time

I'm successful at

Making things nicer

For people, so this is

Definitely #1 for me.



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Current Mood:  overview...

Current Music:  (none)

 

NOTE:  2022 07 01  16H00 EST  End of Interviews - 



End of Interviews

Written 2022-07-01

 

We'll get back to you

In about two weeks,

After everyone's done

With their summer vacations,

And we make sure we don't

Miss a candidate that might

Be better than you, 

You understand?

But whatever our decision,

You will hear back from us.

 

(Silent inward sigh)

Ok, thank you very much.



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Current Mood:  anxiousness...

Current Music:  (none)

 

NOTE:  2022 06 28  04H41 EST  Interviews - 



Interviews

Written 2022-06-28

 

- upcoming important job interview after passing a first interview and then a written test with the same potential employer...

 

Breathe, ma chère !

Just breathe!

Relax, be yourself!

That's all you can do!



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scooting down to the Promenade Samuel-De Champlain (on the Boulevard Champlain by the Fleuve St-Laurent) today... 



Summer is Here Obviously

Written 2022-06-25

 

That's where everyone's gone to

Out and about enjoying the weather

I can say I perfectly relate to that

I'm off to do the same too, tourlou

 



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Current Mood:  reflections...

Current Music:  "Ohne Dich" - Rammstein

 

NOTE:  2022 06 23  01H08 EST  Paternalistic or Not, It's Nice - 



Paternalistic or Not, It's Nice

Written 2022-06-23

 

- with love, for J. ... 

 

You thought it might be paternalistic,

And ever since you said that,

It's been on my mind how I'd view it

Seeing as I've never really had

Anyone as a father role in my life,

So, I really can't say I'm able to

Assess the possibility it's paternalistic.

 

In saying that, though, I did search

In myself to see how that angle feels,

And I came to think it's nice actually,

Especially in the context of why

It was said in the first place.

You've been by my side through

So very much over the years, 

 

It's nice to be able to share this

Part with you, and you being happy.

It's always bothered me that I'm so

Struggling with everything of life,

And to be at this point, with you there,

Is really more than I've ever expected,

So your pride in me makes a difference.

 

Paternalistic it might have been, but

To me, it's a show of love I can't be

Upset about in no way at all is the truth.

Thank you for being who you are,

And for sticking by me all these years.

It's the most anyone cared to do for me, so,

No, I see nothing wrong with what you said.

 

It's really sweet and caring,

It makes me feel like I matter.



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Current Mood:  alright...

Current Music:  "Deliberation" - Katatonia

 

NOTE:  2022 06 21  17H22 EST  Explain Yourself, Please - 



Explain Yourself, Please

Written 2022-06-21

 

That there's love,

There's no doubt,

But, m'dear, you're

Driving me crazy.

 

One minute warm,

The other cold,

There's no telling

What that's about.

 

Get around to feeling

You're throwing hints,

But, m'dear, terrible at

Guessing describes me.

 

And more importantly,

The reasons why you'd

Want to make me guess,

It's not a clear part either.

 

A lot of uncertainty

In figuring it all out,

And so, m'dear, I stand

By waiting for you.

 

There are so many

Contradictions one

Can work out without

Your direct input.



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Current Mood:  eesh...

Current Music:  "Tsekkaa Ittes" - Cheek (feat. Skandaali)

 

NOTE:  2022 06 19  15H11 EST  Obviously Not Saying My Tastes Are Better or Anything - 



Obviously Not Saying My Tastes Are Better or Anything

Written 2022-06-19

 

Eesh... Cheek (feat. Skandaali) just

came on my 'playlist', well, it's

not really a playlist, it's actually

my complete database of all song files

I finally was able to finalize last night!

Thousands of songs collected over years.

 

My laptop died last year in January,

And all I had for a long while that

Year was a tablet, way too small to hold

My database of music, so I went

with very little music available to 

me for what felt like an eternity.

But I have it all back now, and finding

a lot of songs I didn't know I even had.

 

Anyway, that Cheek song I was

on about before, it's some Finnish

rap and I really can't say that it

sounds any better in their language.

It's terrible, the appeal is completely

Lost on me, I'm afraid.  It's not what

I'd call very listenable... so, yeah. 

Eesh... as soon as it started, everything

 

In me was going "no, you don't

want to listen to that" in a most

instant fashion.  It's funny that,

how music's felt differently by each.

Obviously, a friend out there enjoys

this kind of music since they sent it,

while I, on receiving it, didn't like it,

And I mean, not at all.  It's terrible.



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Diary

2022

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2021

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2020

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