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Day 5
Written 2023-08-05
I realize this is going to sound
So very silly, but I'm on day 5
Without having had a cigarette,
'Cause I've decided it's enough
After soon nearly 30 years now,
And time feels like it's stretching on;
They are the slowest moving
Days I've felt in a long while.
I'm feeling completely miserable,
Bothered and preoccupied with
The one thought that I want one.
At the same time, feeling determined
To not cave in and get another puff.
My whole body feels disgusting,
My acute sense of smell is sharpened,
And everything tastes or smells awful.
I hope all of this will pass,
'Cause saying unpleasant
Doesn't come close to it,
My whole system feels weird
And it's really not great at all.
I hope my sense of smell
Doesn't drive me crazy;
Even as a smoker, it was strong,
But without the cigarettes,
I fear it might become unbearable.
I'm not kidding you, my nose
Can smell the fish lunch you had
An hour before coming over to
My place, from a distance of 12 feet,
Instantly smelling it when you come in.
That's how it is when I'm not smoking
I found out in my last quit-smoking
Short stints I did some years ago.
I kid that I've been many times
Nasally assaulted in my life,
'Cause I just can't help strongly
Picking up the smells around me.
When I haven't been smoking
For a while, they just hit me worse.
Although I don't know if I'll be
Able to manage that part of going
Cigarette-free, still, I hardly think
Carrying on smoking is a solution to
Dampen my nose's abilities...
At the moment, everything doesn't
Smell great, everything that I
Normally enjoy eating tastes
Awful, I mean, just awful.
It's all wrong, the aftertastes
Linger so very unpleasantly,
Leaving a distinct chemical
Kind of taste in my mouth.
I really hope it's just 'cause it's
Only been a few days and my
System needs a bit more time
To find some kind of balance
To this huge change I've imposed it.
Well, I hope so, anyway...
(Ou vous me retrouvez à l'asile, c'est sûr !)




Current Mood: undefined...
Current Music: "Graceful Dancing" (live) - Blue October
NOTE: 2023 07 30 21H45 EST No Say, No Power on That -
No Say, No Power on That
Written 2023-07-31
Feels kind of childish to feel this way?
But my thoughts turn to how I spent
All this time being wasted
By emotional pains caused by
All of what was done to me,
But spend so much time on it
To try and resolve it all and
Be able to just live like most,
Then get there, but at the same time,
Arrive at the point this genetic
Condition manifests itself in
Ways that'll make it painful
To move around 'cause you move
Around with your body as people
Have to do to live this life.
Finally get to the point where you're
Finally able to do these simple things
You worked so hard and so long
To just be able to do, you know,
Shed all of those traumas that
Just made these things an impossibility...
Only you've arrived at the group age
Where things will only worsen from
This point on in the degeneration
Of this condition you recetnly found
Out actually has a name, despite
Your whole life being told there's
Absolutely nothing wrong doctors
Can detect in their usual tests.
I've had these pains in my body
Since childhood, which is only
Natural considering it's a genetic
Defect in my body; I always knew
There was something not right in
My body, but they never found
Anything. Come to find out, of
Course they couldn't, only a
Genetic test can detect the issue.
And this is so rare as a condition,
Doctors never thought of it
Until a couple years ago, when
I reluctantly consulted again
'Cause my pains had unusual periods
Of complete debilitation, unable to
Walk, and a few times, completely
Unable to hold myself standing at all.
Laid in bed for eight straight days
In total agony, unable to move without
Sending the pain shooting through
Every bone of my agonizing body.
It is luckily not every day like this,
But moving around does cause
Constant pain, and the more I do it,
The more the inflammation and pain rise.
There isn't a single day where there isn't
Some pain raging somewhere in my body.
In my younger years, it wasn't the same.
It was more of an intermittent daily thing,
As for now, it's pretty much constant daily,
With varying degrees of intensity.
So I have to admit a certain amount of
Furstration and anger, I suppose,
That it took so long for me to resolve
My traumas, that now I find myself
In the age group where it's really
Going to be noticeable and bring challenges.
I try to keep my good humor, I swear I do,
But fucking hell, as if I haven't suffered enough
Already. All of that hellish emotional pain
For so long, finally hugely lifted allowing me
To finally being abe to live like I've tried
For so long to achieve, but now it's time to
Have to deal with physical pain as your
Constant reality from now on, too. There's
Something so fucking frustrating about
This turn of events. At the same time,
It's making me feel like it's such
A childish response to it all...
It's just life doing its course, after all.




Current Mood: extremely sad...
Current Music: (none)
NOTE: 2023 05 27 21H33 EST His Death is Scheduled for Next Monday -
His Death is Scheduled for Next Monday
Written 2023-05-28
- just learned tonight that it's happening on Monday...
My friend's father has made
The decision to die this Monday,
Assisted by doctors to end
Things on his own terms and
Not wait for his terminal illness
To get him there in its own terms.
This man has known me since
The age of 19, and has been since then
In my life almost like a father would be.
He welcomed me in his family,
And gave me love all of these years,
To me, he's a very important person.
Although I completely understand
His decision, and I fully respect it,
I'm nonetheless feeling heartbroken
That the time has arrived so soon.
I have to come to terms now with the
Fact that he'll be gone from our lives.
I'm having a hard time holding back
My tears, I so want to see him before
He goes, but at the same time, I don't
Want to impose myself in such a
Personal moment either. I'm not sure
How to go about dealing with this one.




Current Mood: 'current mood' is a good question...
Current Music: "Live Through This (Fifteen Storeys) " - Mighty Joe Plum
NOTE: 2023 05 27 11H28 EST Ramblings 640 -
Ramblings 640
Written 2023-05-27
Imposing ways
Brought on by
Spurious reasons
Don't sit well
And if they do
A reevaluation
Of your thoughts
Might be in order




Current Mood: ok, but hard to explain...
Current Music: "Striven" - Jay Ray (feat. Marko Saaresto)
NOTE: 2023 05 27 09H35 EST Ramblings 639 -
Ramblings 639
Written 2023-05-27
There is a certain sense of loss(?),
But at the same time amazement,
To one day find yourself not
Feeling all of that pain that had been
So entrenched from the beginning,
And that had slowly chipped away at
Your sanity and overall well-being
Year after year without any breaks...
Not to mention the annihilation of
All hope anything else could ever
Come your way in any conceivable
Fashion because that is all you had
Ever known life was like.
Not that one would ever miss it at all,
But it is nonetheless in some measure
Very déboussolant just the same,
To one day find yourself without it,
It feels like having entered a new
Dimension or perhaps a new planet,
And it sure takes some getting used to...
It is obviously not unpleasant at all,
It is just unusual and makes you feel
A little unsure about all of the happiness.
The landscape is unrecognizable, unknown,
And although you are awed, pleased by it,
There is a big part of you that is now gone.
And that feels a little unsettling somehow;
A most difficult thing to try to explain, really.




Current Mood: choisir son entourage...
Current Music: "When the Seasons Change" - Five Finger Death Punch
NOTE: 2023 05 19 18H32 EST Ramblings 637 - French ramblings...
Ramblings 637
Written 2023-05-20
L'affaire est qu'il y a trop de petites nuances avec toi,
et en plus, elles n'ont pas de rythme ou de constance.
Alors, comment veux-tu qu'on te suive avec tout ça ?
Ce n'est pas que je n'ai pas essayé, tu le sais bien,
Mais là, je crois que c'est le temps qu'on s'arrête ici.
T'en es misérable, j'en suis aussi, alors vaut mieux.




Current Mood: réflexions sur ce qui s'observe à propos de nous...
Current Music: (none)
NOTE: 2023 05 12 19H22 EST Assez certain pour mettre sa main dans le feu -
Assez certain pour mettre sa main dans le feu
Written 2023-05-13
- pas dans le but de pessimisme, juste une observation...
Où il y a des humains,
c'est inévitable qu'il faut
composer avec les problèmes,
car veut, veut pas, ils font
toujours partie de l'équation.
Personne n'est à l'abri
de cette réalité incontournable,
car où il y a des humains,
c'est complétement inmanquable,
il va y avoir des problèmes.




Current Mood: missing being on PB...
Current Music: "Striven" - Jay Ray (feat. Marko Saaresto)
NOTE: 2023 05 05 20H44 EST Quick Coucou -
Quick Coucou
Written 2023-05-06
For you, who might be wondering,
Things are going very well for me.
However, it's been incredibly busy.
I absolutely love the job,
And I'm getting better at this social
Anxiety stuff I have to deal with.
Can't say that I'm living
Any of it as a hardship,
It's actually quite satisfying.
I'm all-around very happy,
And a lot of good things
Are happening for me, it's nice.
A lot of big changes in my life,
Plans are finally moving forward
For me and my douce moitié.
The first one is to move out
To a new apartment, which
We will be doing very soon.
It's on the same street,
Not what we'd planned, but it's
Fully renovated with a balcony!
After that, settle in, and
Finally be able to get back
To our dearest projects.
Things are looking very good.
Really hope all's been well
For you, I do miss you a lot.




Bonjour M. Pelletier, II
Written 2023-04-15
- Réponse du proprio :
« Bonsoir Madame, nous avons à discuter de l’augmentation de votre logement. Je me dois de finaliser avec vous une entente avant le 17 avril prochain, date limite pour présenter mon dossier au TAL. Je suis disponible en tout temps à partir d’aujourd’hui. Espérant régler ce dossier à la satisfaction des deux parties. Bien à vous.
ps: chiffres en annexe qui démontrent ce que le TAL devrait autoriser »
[p.j. PDF des calculs de dépenses, etc.]
Dans les circonstances, cela commence à être plutôt difficile de suivre ce que vous dites, nous sommes désolés. Mais de votre réponse à notre message, devons-nous comprendre :
que vous n'avez aucun intérêt à aborder les points que nous vous avons soulevés ?
que vous voulez cette augmentation à cause de vos dépenses et ce que vous avez droit de demander ?
que vous ne croyez pas l'expérience du locataire dans votre logement soit importante pour les considérations d'augmentations ?
que vous êtes de l'avis une comparution devant le TAL serait la démarche appropriée dans les circonstances de la situation ?
et que vous n'avez pas un autre logement où l'on pourrait déménager ?
Avons-nous bien compris ?
Merci et bonne soirée,




"Bonjour, j’aimerais savoir si votre souhait de changer de logement va se réaliser ou non?"
Bonjour M. Pelletier,
Written 2023-04-08
Il semblerait qu'il y a un manque de bonnes volontés en ce moment chez les locateurs du marché actuel, alors nous sommes sans options pour le moment.
Pour votre augmentation, nous n'avons pas d'autre offre pour vous. Depuis quelques années nous finissons ces discussions en acceptant vos augmentations même si la condition de leur acceptation n'est toujours pas à ce jour réalisée...
Mais la réalité de la situation est que notre logement ne bénéficierait pas tellement des quelques réparations et la rénovation que vous avez suggérées chez nous, car tout le logement est plus que dû d'être rafraîchi et refait, comme vous le savez. Alors, nous croyons que ce serait un peu insensé de passer au travers d'une semaine avec tous les dérangements que cela occasionnera pour une minime rénovation qui finira par se faire perdre dans le reste de l'état usé de notre logement. L'idéal ne serait pas de faire ces rénovations piece-meal, mais de les faire toutes d'un coup avec l'espace vide. Ce serait réellement beaucoup plus cost effective pour vous de le faire ainsi aussi, à notre avis.
Donc, si vous avez un autre logement, avec balcon, nous serions intéressés. Notre logement a réellement besoin d'un refurbishment comme vous avez fait pour les autres logements de l'immeuble. C'est plus que le temps.
Nous espérons que vous comprenez que notre objection n'est pas qu'il y ait des augmentations, c'est que l'on est tenu de payer plus à chaque année sans jamais en tirer des bénéfices directs en tant que locataires. Notre logement est rendu très vieux, cela commence à être plutôt déprimant de s'y retrouver.
Merci et bonne fin de semaine,




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