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F.i.in.e Moods

Day 5

Written 2023-08-05


I realize this is going to sound

So very silly, but I'm on day 5

Without having had a cigarette,

'Cause I've decided it's enough

After soon nearly 30 years now,

And time feels like it's stretching on;

They are the slowest moving

Days I've felt in a long while.


I'm feeling completely miserable,

Bothered and preoccupied with

The one thought that I want one.

At the same time, feeling determined

To not cave in and get another puff.

My whole body feels disgusting,

My acute sense of smell is sharpened,

And everything tastes or smells awful.


I hope all of this will pass,

'Cause saying unpleasant

Doesn't come close to it,

My whole system feels weird

And it's really not great at all.

I hope my sense of smell

Doesn't drive me crazy;

Even as a smoker, it was strong,


But without the cigarettes,

I fear it might become unbearable.

I'm not kidding you, my nose

Can smell the fish lunch you had

An hour before coming over to

My place, from a distance of 12 feet,

Instantly smelling it when you come in.

That's how it is when I'm not smoking


I found out in my last quit-smoking

Short stints I did some years ago.

I kid that I've been many times

Nasally assaulted in my life,

'Cause I just can't help strongly

Picking up the smells around me.

When I haven't been smoking

For a while, they just hit me worse.


Although I don't know if I'll be

Able to manage that part of going

Cigarette-free, still, I hardly think

Carrying on smoking is a solution to

Dampen my nose's abilities...

At the moment, everything doesn't

Smell great, everything that I

Normally enjoy eating tastes


Awful, I mean, just awful.

It's all wrong, the aftertastes

Linger so very unpleasantly,

Leaving a distinct chemical

Kind of taste in my mouth.

I really hope it's just 'cause it's

Only been a few days and my

System needs a bit more time


To find some kind of balance

To this huge change I've imposed it.

Well, I hope so, anyway...

(Ou vous me retrouvez à l'asile, c'est sûr !)

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Current Mood:  undefined...

Current Music:  "Graceful Dancing" (live) -  Blue October 


NOTE:  2023 07 30  21H45 EST  No Say, No Power on That - 

No Say, No Power on That

Written 2023-07-31


Feels kind of childish to feel this way?

But my thoughts turn to how I spent

All this time being wasted

By emotional pains caused by

All of what was done to me,

But spend so much time on it

To try and resolve it all and

Be able to just live like most,

Then get there, but at the same time,

Arrive at the point this genetic

Condition manifests itself in

Ways that'll make it painful

To move around 'cause you move

Around with your body as people

Have to do to live this life.

Finally get to the point where you're

Finally able to do these simple things

You worked so hard and so long 

To just be able to do, you know,

Shed all of those traumas that

Just made these things an impossibility...

Only you've arrived at the group age

Where things will only worsen from

This point on in the degeneration

Of this condition you recetnly found

Out actually has a name, despite

Your whole life being told there's

Absolutely nothing wrong doctors

Can detect in their usual tests.

I've had these pains in my body

Since childhood, which is only

Natural considering it's a genetic

Defect in my body; I always knew

There was something not right in

My body, but they never found

Anything.  Come to find out, of

Course they couldn't, only a 

Genetic test can detect the issue.

And this is so rare as a condition,

Doctors never thought of it

Until a couple years ago, when

I reluctantly consulted again

'Cause my pains had unusual periods

Of complete debilitation, unable to

Walk, and a few times, completely

Unable to hold myself standing at all.

Laid in bed for eight straight days

In total agony, unable to move without

Sending the pain shooting through

Every bone of my agonizing body.

It is luckily not every day like this,

But moving around does cause

Constant pain, and the more I do it,

The more the inflammation and pain rise.

There isn't a single day where there isn't

Some pain raging somewhere in my body.

In my younger years, it wasn't the same.

It was more of an intermittent daily thing,

As for now, it's pretty much constant daily,

With varying degrees of intensity.

So I have to admit a certain amount of

Furstration and anger, I suppose, 

That it took so long for me to resolve

My traumas, that now I find myself

In the age group where it's really

Going to be noticeable and bring challenges.

I try to keep my good humor, I swear I do,

But fucking hell, as if I haven't suffered enough

Already.  All of that hellish emotional pain

For so long, finally hugely lifted allowing me

To finally being abe to live like I've tried

For so long to achieve, but now it's time to

Have to deal with physical pain as your

Constant reality from now on, too.  There's

Something so fucking frustrating about

This turn of events.  At the same time,

It's making me feel like it's such

A childish response to it all...

It's just life doing its course, after all.

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Current Mood:  extremely sad...

Current Music:  (none)


NOTE:  2023 05 27  21H33 EST  His Death is Scheduled for Next Monday - 

His Death is Scheduled for Next Monday

Written 2023-05-28


- just learned tonight that it's happening on Monday... 


My friend's father has made

The decision to die this Monday,

Assisted by doctors to end

Things on his own terms and

Not wait for his terminal illness

To get him there in its own terms.


This man has known me since

The age of 19, and has been since then

In my life almost like a father would be.

He welcomed me in his family,

And gave me love all of these years,

To me, he's a very important person.


Although I completely understand

His decision, and I fully respect it,

I'm nonetheless feeling heartbroken

That the time has arrived so soon.

I have to come to terms now with the

Fact that he'll be gone from our lives.


I'm having a hard time holding back

My tears, I so want to see him before

He goes, but at the same time, I don't

Want to impose myself in such a

Personal moment either.  I'm not sure

How to go about dealing with this one.

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Current Mood:  'current mood' is a good question...

Current Music:  "Live Through This (Fifteen Storeys) " - Mighty Joe Plum


NOTE:  2023 05 27  11H28 EST  Ramblings 640 - 

Ramblings 640

Written 2023-05-27


Imposing ways

Brought on by

Spurious reasons

Don't sit well


And if they do

A reevaluation

Of your thoughts

Might be in order

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Current Mood:  ok, but hard to explain...

Current Music:  "Striven" - Jay Ray (feat. Marko Saaresto)


NOTE:  2023 05 27  09H35 EST  Ramblings 639 - 

Ramblings 639

Written 2023-05-27


There is a certain sense of loss(?),

But at the same time amazement,

To one day find yourself not

Feeling all of that pain that had been

So entrenched from the beginning,

And that had slowly chipped away at

Your sanity and overall well-being

Year after year without any breaks...

Not to mention the annihilation of

All hope anything else could ever

Come your way in any conceivable

Fashion because that is all you had

Ever known life was like.


Not that one would ever miss it at all,

But it is nonetheless in some measure

Very déboussolant just the same,  

To one day find yourself without it,

It feels like having entered a new

Dimension or perhaps a new planet,

And it sure takes some getting used to...

It is obviously not unpleasant at all,

It is just unusual and makes you feel

A little unsure about all of the happiness.

The landscape is unrecognizable, unknown,

And although you are awed, pleased by it,

There is a big part of you that is now gone.


And that feels a little unsettling somehow;

A most difficult thing to try to explain, really.

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Current Mood:  choisir son entourage...

Current Music:  "When the Seasons Change" - Five Finger Death Punch


NOTE:  2023 05 19  18H32 EST  Ramblings 637 - French ramblings...

Ramblings 637

Written 2023-05-20


L'affaire est qu'il y a trop de petites nuances avec toi,

et en plus, elles n'ont pas de rythme ou de constance.


Alors, comment veux-tu qu'on te suive avec tout ça ?

Ce n'est pas que je n'ai pas essayé, tu le sais bien,


Mais là, je crois que c'est le temps qu'on s'arrête ici.

T'en es misérable, j'en suis aussi, alors vaut mieux.


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Current Mood:  réflexions sur ce qui s'observe à propos de nous...

Current Music:  (none)


NOTE:  2023 05 12  19H22 EST  Assez certain pour mettre sa main dans le feu - 

Assez certain pour mettre sa main dans le feu

Written 2023-05-13


- pas dans le but de pessimisme, juste une observation... 


Où il y a des humains,

c'est inévitable qu'il faut

composer avec les problèmes,

car veut, veut pas, ils font

toujours partie de l'équation.


Personne n'est à l'abri

de cette réalité incontournable,

car où il y a des humains,

c'est complétement inmanquable,

il va y avoir des problèmes.

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Current Mood:  missing being on PB...

Current Music:  "Striven" - Jay Ray (feat. Marko Saaresto)


NOTE:  2023 05 05  20H44 EST  Quick Coucou - 

Quick Coucou

Written 2023-05-06



For you, who might be wondering,

Things are going very well for me.

However, it's been incredibly busy.


I absolutely love the job,

And I'm getting better at this social

Anxiety stuff I have to deal with.


Can't say that I'm living

Any of it as a hardship,

It's actually quite satisfying.


I'm all-around very happy,

And a lot of good things

Are happening for me, it's nice.


A lot of big changes in my life,

Plans are finally moving forward

For me and my douce moitié.


The first one is to move out

To a new apartment, which

We will be doing very soon.


It's on the same street,

Not what we'd planned, but it's

Fully renovated with a balcony!


After that, settle in, and

Finally be able to get back

To our dearest projects.


Things are looking very good.

Really hope all's been well

For you, I do miss you a lot.

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Bonjour M. Pelletier, II

Written 2023-04-15


- Réponse du proprio :

« Bonsoir Madame, nous avons à discuter de l’augmentation de votre logement. Je me dois de finaliser avec vous une entente avant le 17 avril prochain, date limite pour présenter mon dossier au TAL. Je suis disponible en tout temps à partir d’aujourd’hui. Espérant régler ce dossier à la satisfaction des deux parties. Bien à vous.


ps: chiffres en annexe qui démontrent ce que le TAL devrait autoriser » 


[p.j. PDF des calculs de dépenses, etc.]  


Dans les circonstances, cela commence à être plutôt difficile de suivre ce que vous dites, nous sommes désolés. Mais de votre réponse à notre message, devons-nous comprendre : 


que vous n'avez aucun intérêt à aborder les points que nous vous avons soulevés ?

que vous voulez cette augmentation à cause de vos dépenses et ce que vous avez droit de demander ?

que vous ne croyez pas l'expérience du locataire dans votre logement soit importante pour les considérations d'augmentations ?

que vous êtes de l'avis une comparution devant le TAL serait la démarche appropriée dans les circonstances de la situation ?

et que vous n'avez pas un autre logement où l'on pourrait déménager ? 


Avons-nous bien compris ? 


Merci et bonne soirée,

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"Bonjour, j’aimerais savoir si votre souhait de changer de logement va se réaliser ou non?"

Bonjour M. Pelletier,

Written 2023-04-08


Il semblerait qu'il y a un manque de bonnes volontés en ce moment chez les locateurs du marché actuel, alors nous sommes sans options pour le moment. 


Pour votre augmentation, nous n'avons pas d'autre offre pour vous.  Depuis quelques années nous finissons ces discussions en acceptant vos augmentations même si la condition de leur acceptation n'est toujours pas à ce jour réalisée...   


Mais la réalité de la situation est que notre logement ne bénéficierait pas tellement des quelques réparations et la rénovation que vous avez suggérées chez nous, car tout le logement est plus que dû d'être rafraîchi et refait, comme vous le savez.  Alors, nous croyons que ce serait un peu insensé de passer au travers d'une semaine avec tous les dérangements que cela occasionnera pour une minime rénovation qui finira par se faire perdre dans le reste de l'état usé de notre logement.  L'idéal ne serait pas de faire ces rénovations piece-meal, mais de les faire toutes d'un coup avec l'espace vide.  Ce serait réellement beaucoup plus cost effective pour vous de le faire ainsi aussi, à notre avis. 


Donc, si vous avez un autre logement, avec balcon, nous serions intéressés.  Notre logement a réellement besoin d'un refurbishment comme vous avez fait pour les autres logements de l'immeuble.  C'est plus que le temps. 


Nous espérons que vous comprenez que notre objection n'est pas qu'il y ait des augmentations, c'est que l'on est tenu de payer plus à chaque année sans jamais en tirer des bénéfices directs en tant que locataires.  Notre logement est rendu très vieux, cela commence à être plutôt déprimant de s'y retrouver. 


Merci et bonne fin de semaine,

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